fossil_digger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> this is more cool tham funny,
> but....[www.howmanyofme.com]
> see how many people in the us have the same name
> as you. ??

Well according to that there are: 14 people with my name in the U.S.A.

I know 2 people have it in Melbourne, Australia (my captail city). So only 14 across the entire US considering my first name is in the top 5 names that's rather funny

100

Over 4 million with my first name and only 7 with both first and last. (one was my dad I am sure.)

?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2007 05:08PM by 90130_.

I glance at the online version of the local newspaper every day and one thing I never miss is the list of people who've been arrested. Of course I'm looking to see if anyone I know has got into trouble, and I pay attention to any crooks living in my neighborhood, but I also notice some of the different names. The most unusual name that comes to mind has appeared 3 or 4 times in the last couple of years and I have to wonder what kind of parent would name their kid Doodles (last name Barthelus). That has to be a one of a kind and I feel sorry for that guy and what he must've gone through as a kid in school.

A buddy of mine has Zeke for a first name and an odd last name and the site said that there were no one by either name. He doesn't exist.

there are no fossils, no diggers and of course no fossil diggers.

Your imaginary friends don't count, toad.

toad: maybe ezekiel? (sp)

fossil_digger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> there are no fossils, no diggers and of course no
> fossil diggers.

but plenty of nose diggers

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his
ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two
trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another
mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back hit him in the forehead and
killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and
asked, "Are you a good golfer," to which the man replied, "Got here in two,
didn't I?"

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.

He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..

Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."

All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7"

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides"

GOLF'S WORST FOURSOME

1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON

WHY, YOU ASK?
Well, you're going to love this!

1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST

Butch the Rooster


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city folks). The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his
roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2007 11:42PM by fossil_digger.

Bono is such a Bozo!

Scottish Sympathy
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2, is famous throughout the
entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for
total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands,
once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said
into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from the front of the crowd,
pierces the quiet .............

"Well, foockin stop doin it then!"

109 people in the US with my 1st/last name combination and 86% of those with my 1st name are females .... of course Kim is actually my middle name

When I 1st got online about 10yrs ago I thought I could just go by my name but found I had to be kimsteele39. Then I put the mr out front and badda-bing ..... I was all alone

LOVE THIS COMEBACK...

One of my sons serves in the military. He is stationed
stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday
to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to
him and his troops everywhere they go.Telling me how
people shake their hands and thank them for being
willing to serve and fight, not only for our own
freedoms but so that others may have them also.

Then he told me about an incident in the grocery store
he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the
base. He said that several people were in the line
ahead of him, including a woman dressed in a burkha.

He said when she got to the cashier, she made a loud
remark about the U.S. Flag, lapel pin, the cashier
wore on her smock.The cashier reached up and touched
the pin and said, "Yes, I always wear it proudly,
because I'm an American."

The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when
she was going to stop bombing her countrymen,
explaining that she was Iraqi.

Then, a Gentleman standing behind my son stepped
forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders and
nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle
voice to the Iraqi woman: Lady, hundreds of thousands
of men and women like this young man have fought and
died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and
accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen.
It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in
YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today.
But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so
loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and
pay your way back to Iraq, so you can straighten out
the Mess in YOUR country, that you are obviously here
in MY country to avoid."

Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "Shit happens."

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator,looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him.The big guy sees the little guy staring at him,looks down and says: "7 feet tall,350 pounds,20 inch private,3-pound left testicle,turner brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor.The big guy kneels down and brings him to his feet,shaking him.The big guy says,"whats wrong with you?" In a weak voice,the little guy says,"what exactly did you say to me?" The big dude says,"I saw your curious look and figured i'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always ask me.Im 7 feet tall,i weigh 350 pounds,i have a 20-inch private,my left testicle weighs 3 pounds,my right testicle weighs 3 pounds,and my name is turner brown." The small guy says,"turner brown?!!!! SWEET JESUS,I THOUGHT YOU SAID TURN AROUND!

Three Surgeons.....

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Florida. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blond hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's running for President of the United States of America

Hahaha...good one, quasi.

<+> rofls

Will I live to see 80? I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and Exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking Him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, Hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"

Have you ever wondered where the Phrase "You Gotta Be Shittin' Me" came
> >>> from?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our
> >>> Country way back when, George Washington was crossing the Delaware
River
> >>> with his troops.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> There were 33 [remember this number] in Washington 's boat. It was
> >>> extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them
> >>> about.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters [remember this name] and
> >>> stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him
to
> >>> keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the
> >>> lantern back and forth, back and forth.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and
his
> >>> lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for
nearly
> >>> an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of
> >>> them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side,
wet
> >>> and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they
> >>> must go on.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights
ahead."
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they
> >>> didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the
> >>> forest to serve all who came.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
The
> >>> door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A
> >>> huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George
> >>> Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and
> >>> desperately need warmth and comfort."
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a
broad
> >>> smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right
> >>> place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many
> >>> men do you have?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Washington replied, "Well, madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me."
> >>>

it looks like jimmy, but....RUN!

[www.planetvids.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 20/05/2007 01:12PM by fossil_digger.

i love that vid!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 20/05/2007 01:14PM by fossil_digger.

Rules for Men and Internet Dating
(Don’t Let Them Waste Your Time and/or Money)

Regarding Females Posting Photos
1. If she does not post a photo, she is either hiding something (her looks), or she is just plain hideous….RUN!
2. If she posts a photo of something other than herself(a sunset, a beach, a flower), then she is fat, ugly, both, or hiding a physical deformity.
3. If she posts “artistic impressions” of her photo, i.e. drawings, etchings, paintings etc.…then she is fat, ugly, both, or hiding a physical deformity.
4. If she posts photos of her cats, dogs, kids etc., YOU will always be 3rd or lower on her priority list.
5. If her posted photos look as if they were taken at a night club, bar, restaurant, casino….then she is an attention whore, and you will wear yourself out (and your wallet) trying to keep up with her and her “social” events.
6. If her posted photos feature other men who have been “Photoshopped” to hide their identity, then YOU will be among a cast of many men in her life, and she may be sleeping with all of them, or none.
7. If her posted photos suggest she is slightly overweight or plump, then she is FAT. If she had a better photo of herself, she would post it.
8. If her posted photo suggests that she is “colorful”, “wacky”, “bohemian”, then she is just plain vanilla “CRAZY”.
9. If her posted photo suggests that she has an “exotic” look, then be aware of the following formula: Exotic + 10 years = Bizarre (cat lady bizarre)
10. If her posted photo suggests that she is a whore, then she is a whore, hit it and quit it fast.

What the words in her posts really mean

1. “I look younger than I am” – desperate female with a shelf life of about 5 more years. Pulling out all the stops (surgery, makeup, wigs, etc) to trick you into telling her how hot she is, or worse yet, to marry her .
2. “Full of Life” – Bipolar
3. “BBW” – Walrus
4. “Large Framed” – Walrus
5. “Curvy” - Walrus
6. “Happy with self” – Unhappy with self
7. “Loves Animals” – Crazy cat collector, house smells like cat pee
8. “Fun Loving” – Manic
9. “Disease Free” – She went to the doctor to make sure
10. “Fit” – She joined a gym, but never uses it
11. “I’m not looking for a father for my children” – Maybe not, she just wants you to pay for them.
12. “Looking for THE one” – She does nothing but watch movies and believes in fairy tales. You will never live up to her expectations because they are make believe.

damn i'm glad i wasn't born Japanese.

[www.glumbert.com]

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S
ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing the of the news, posted the following
headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN



The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the Plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

the bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery.and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.