Posted by: quasi [x] - (71.3.166.---)
Date: April 01, 2015 05:24PM
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches.
Posted by: BlahX3 [x] - (68.186.98.---)
Date: April 03, 2015 01:44PM
Oh that cowboy one is good smiling smiley I'll remember it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2015 01:45PM by BlahX3.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (Moderator)
Date: April 22, 2015 07:13PM
After 35 years of service, mailman George decided to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.
When they're done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea."
Posted by: Mrkim [x] - (184.20.21.---)
Date: May 17, 2015 03:21PM

Hillary Clinton was sworn in as President and she's disposed of Bill for the
evening and is spending her first night all alone in the White House. She's
waited years for this very night!

Suddenly the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary asks,
"Mr. President, how can I best serve my country?" Washington says,
"Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that idea."

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears and Hillary asks, "How can I best serve
my country Mr. President?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh!" she says, "I really, really don't want to do that." she says.

On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and Hillary asks,
"Mr. President, how can I best serve my country?" To which Lincoln replies ...

"Go to the theater."
Posted by: DarkKlown [x] - (Moderator)
Date: June 19, 2015 04:40AM
I broke the forum again.. funny stuff..
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (Moderator)
Date: June 19, 2015 01:09PM
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: June 19, 2015 02:41PM
That's not funny, it's BAU
Posted by: MousAnony [x] - (70.192.139.---)
Date: July 18, 2015 06:45PM
so a priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a masonic lodge...
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: July 20, 2015 11:17AM
Ouch. Didn't one of them stop walking when the first one hit it?
Posted by: MousAnony [x] - (70.192.150.---)
Date: July 31, 2015 08:57PM
na it was a mobius lodge
Posted by: quasi [x] - (71.3.166.---)
Date: August 09, 2015 10:54AM
This afternoon I was offered sex by a very hot 25 year old woman.
In exchange I would help her by going on different websites and promote some kind of bathroom cleaner.
Of course I declined the offer because of my high morals and strong willpower. Which is just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented in lemon or vanilla!
Posted by: woberto [x] - (49.195.12.---)
Date: November 17, 2015 07:33AM
My mother laughed when I said I was going to make a car out of spaghetti.
But you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: November 21, 2015 01:49PM
Posted by: woberto [x] - (108.162.249.---)
Date: July 28, 2016 04:23AM
A 60yo billionaire marries a hot 25yo girl.
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage.
After a few drinks, the billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie.
"It's simple" the billionaire boasts... "I faked my age".
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell her you are?" a friend asks.
With a smile on his lips the billionaire responds
"85 years old".
Posted by: woberto [x] - (172.68.143.---)
Date: May 25, 2017 07:54AM
"I don't like country music but I don't mean to denigrate those who do.
And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." - Bob Newhart
Posted by: woberto [x] - (172.68.133.---)
Date: May 26, 2017 10:32AM
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: May 30, 2017 12:25PM
stupid spam bots
Posted by: woberto [x] - (173.245.48.---)
Date: November 04, 2017 02:07AM
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

smiling smiley

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Posted by: khouji [x] - (162.158.165.---)
Date: November 20, 2017 01:26AM
Maybe if we tell people that Brain is an app, they will start using it. winking smiley
Posted by: khouji [x] - (162.158.165.---)
Date: November 20, 2017 01:27AM
The baby said:

"You mean to tell me that spoons don't actually sound like airplane?!"

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 20/11/2017 01:28AM by khouji.
Posted by: khouji [x] - (162.158.165.---)
Date: November 21, 2017 01:09AM
To Lonzo Ball:

When you have a hairstyle that looks like a clown, and your game is a JOKE! winking smiley
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: December 09, 2017 01:44AM
The policeman approaches the drivers door.

"Is there a problem, officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
Posted by: woberto [x] - (172.68.211.---)
Date: December 15, 2017 08:19AM
When my girlfriend said she was leaving
because of my obsession with The Monkees,
I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.
Your Name: 
Your Email: