Posted by: woberto [x] - (216.9.246.---)
Date: January 30, 2008 09:22AM
Have you tried this?
Type "find Chuck Norris" into your google search engine then click "I'm feeling lucky".
Those google boys & girls have too much time on their hands.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: February 01, 2008 03:53AM
drinking smiley
Here are some of the most stoopid answers to quiz questions ever..

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

Presenter: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant: Forrest Gump.

Presenter: In which country is Mount Everest?

Contestant: Er, it's not in Scotland is it?

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Presenter: In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637?

Contestant: Sydney.

Presenter: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant: (after long pause) Fourteen days,

Presenter: Where did the D-Day landings take place?

Contestant: (after pause) Pearl Harbor?

Presenter: What is the currency in India?

Contestant: Ramadan.

Presenter: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he


Contestant: Jesus
Posted by: quasi [x] - (64.215.250.---)
Date: February 02, 2008 11:12PM
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. !

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.22.---)
Date: February 03, 2008 06:22AM
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: February 04, 2008 01:25AM
The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in
this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.>
Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from
God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this
is a falsehood?
Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop
traffic rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she
spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the
The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: February 06, 2008 09:39PM
Best Weight Loss Program yet!!!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can
catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after
her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same
girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost
10 lbs. as promised.He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you
can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is
in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next
four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better
and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs
himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program, "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the
phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I
haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the
door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine." He lost 63 pounds that week.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: February 07, 2008 10:51PM
Try typing
French military victories
into Google then click I'm Feeling Lucky!
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: February 15, 2008 04:58PM
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil
You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted...........
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.38.---)
Date: February 18, 2008 03:23AM
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Posted by: quasi [x] - (64.215.250.---)
Date: February 21, 2008 11:12AM
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity.' Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, ' did it sho w that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

And the lawyer says, 'So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?
Posted by: quasi [x] - (64.215.250.---)
Date: February 23, 2008 01:39AM
Not funny funny but funny strange. Strange we don't hear about these kinds of things.

Purdy Interesting...

A Tale of Two Houses

House #1 A 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms ) heated by
natural gas. Add on a pool, a pool house, and a separate guest house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home.

House #2
Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet ( 4 bedrooms ) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground.

The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwa ter from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville, Tennessee

It is the abode of the "environmentalist " Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas
It is the residence the of the President of the United States,
George W. Bush.

An "inconvenient truth."

I sure hope this gets passed to everyone! And, yes ... I DID check Snopes prior to forwarding it.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: February 23, 2008 05:06AM
and now, for the stupid joke of the week:

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
I stood in the short line. Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too!'
Posted by: zxz555 [x] - (83.108.37.---)
Date: February 24, 2008 11:38AM
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle."
The bloke said "Kenwood"
I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"
The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby.They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??
I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."
He said, "No, this is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.
She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said,"Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought that's Aboriginal.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. You couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar"
I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

I phoned the Tinitus Helpline today, but it just kept ringing
Posted by: quasi [x] - (64.215.250.---)
Date: February 27, 2008 05:50AM
After Chelsea returned from a first date, Hillary asked her if she had
a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in
Hillary said, 'You didn't have sex, did you?'
Chelsea said, 'Not according to Dad'.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 01:49AM
You can tell what profession someone is by the way they hunt elephants...

Computer programmers hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c. Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

Engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations research consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants. (I'm a consultant!)

Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

Lawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.

Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

Senior managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.162.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 04:59AM

* Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
* Incestuous marriages are legal.
* It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
* It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
* It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
* Masks may not be worn in public
* Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
* Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
* You may not drive barefooted.
* You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


* In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
* Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
* While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.


* A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
* Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
* It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
* It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
* Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
* There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
* You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
* Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
* Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
* Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
* Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
* Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
* Tucson: Women may not wear pants.


* A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
* Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
* It is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
* It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.
* Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.; Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term; It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday; No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
* The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.


* A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
* Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
* Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
* A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
* Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
* Bathhouses are against the law.
* Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
* Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds; Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk; Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
* Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.
* Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
* In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
* In California it's against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
* In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
* In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
* In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.
* In San Francisco it's illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
* In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
* It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
* It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
* It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
* It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
* Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".
* Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
* Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage; It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
* Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
* No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
* No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
* Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
* Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
* San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar; The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.
* San Francisco bans any "mechanical device that reproduces obscene language."
* San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
* Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
* Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
* The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name "San Francisco." It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.


* Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
* Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
* Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
* Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
* It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
* Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.
* In Colorado it's now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law."
* In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber's to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
* Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
* It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
* It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.


* A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
* A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
* Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
* Bloomfield, Conn: It's against the law to eat in your car.
* Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
* Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
* Hartford: You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
* In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
* In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
* In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street.
* In Hartford, Conn., it's illegal to plant a tree in the street.
* In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
* In Simsbury, Conn., it's illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
* It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
* It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
* New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
* No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
* Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
* You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
* You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
* You may not educate dogs.


* Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
* In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
* In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
* It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.


* Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
* Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
* Daytona Beach: The molestation of trash cans is banned; While intoxicated, being under influence of narcotics is prohibited; It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired;
* Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
* Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
* Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
* If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
* Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
* It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
* In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
* In Saratoga, Florida it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
* It is considered an offense to shower naked.
* It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
* Key West: Chickens are considered a 'protected species'.
* Oral sex is illegal.
* You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
* Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
* Pensacola: Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person; It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel; A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
* Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
* Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
* Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00; You may not catch crabs.
* Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
* Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
* When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
* Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.


* Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
* A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
* Atlanta: Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp; One man may not be on another man's back.
* Columbus: Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday; It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.
* Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
* In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position.
* In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
* It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
* In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
* It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
* It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro.
* It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
* Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
* Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
* Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
* Signs are required to be written in English.
* St. Mary's: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.


* Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
* In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
* Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
* It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all "lawful and moral" commands of their parents.
* It's illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
* You will be fined if you do not own a boat.


* It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
* If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
* Idaho Falls: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
* Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
* Walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
* Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
* Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
* You may not fish on a camel's back.


* "Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
* It is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
* Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
* Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire; It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Spitting is forbidden
* Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
* Crete: It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog; Cars may not be driven through the town.
* Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
* Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
* Evanston: Bowling is forbidden; It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween; It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
* Fairfield: It is unlawful for "Negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
* Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
* Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
* Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
* If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn't have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
* In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer's face.
* In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
* In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
* In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
* In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
* In Oblong, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
* It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
* It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
* It's not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
* Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
* Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
* Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
* Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited; There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
* Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
* Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
* Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
* Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
* Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
* Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
* Pullman: It is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb; It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
* The English language is not to be spoken.
* Take some elocution lessons if you're going to Joliet, Ill., where it's against the law to mispronounce the city's name. Offenders can be fined up to $500.
* The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
* You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
* You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.


* "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
* A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
* All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
* Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
* Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
* Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
* Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
* Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
* Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
* Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
* Drinks on the house are illegal.
* Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
* Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
* Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It's In the Book".
* Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
* Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
* If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
* In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
* In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
* It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
* Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
* Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
* No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
* One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
* Oral sex is illegal.
* Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
* Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
* State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
* Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
* Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.
* The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415
* You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
* You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
* You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.


* A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
* An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
* Don't plan on running a "tab" in Iowa; it's illegal.
* Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
* If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
* In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
* In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
* Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
* It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
* It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
* Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
* One-armed piano players must perform for free.
* Ottumwa: Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
* Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
* The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
* You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.


* If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
* In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
* In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
* In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
* It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
* It is illegal to hunt whales.
* It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
* Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
* Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. No one may wear a bee in their hat.
* Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
* No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
* Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
* Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
* Russell: Musical car horns are banned
* Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
* The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
* Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
* Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.


* A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
* An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation "shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large." Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
* All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
* An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
* Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436.140
* Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
* By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".
* Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint "three intelligent housekeepers" to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
* Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
* In Danville, Ky., it's illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
* In Kentucky, according to an old law, it's illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It's not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
* In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
* In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
* It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
* It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
* It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
* It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
* It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
* No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
* No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
* Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission. One may not receive anal sex. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)


* An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
* Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".
* Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
* If you've ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you'll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It's against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
* It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
* It is illegal to gargle in public places.
* It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
* It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
* It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
* It's legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you've just broken the law.
* Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the "ultimate test"-- in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
* Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
* New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
* Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
* Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
* Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.


* After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
* In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
* It's illegal to clean salmon along Maine's upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
* In Maine it's illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
* In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
* In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
* It's unlawful to tickle a woman's chin with a feather duster in Portland.
* Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
* You may not step out of a plane in flight.


* Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited. You may not curse inside the city limits.
* Baltimore: It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898) -Park Rule 6 It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
* Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog's heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
* Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
* Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
* Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it's a $100 fine or six months in the can for "forecasting or pretending to foretell the future."
* In Baltimore it's illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine. In Baltimore it's illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
* In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
* In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
* In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
* In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
* In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping.
* In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
* In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
* In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
* In the entire state of Maryland, it is illegal to give or recieve oral sex.
* It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
* Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
* Ocean City: A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited
* Thistles may not grow in one's yard.
* You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.


* A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
* A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
* Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
* Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
* An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
* At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
* Boston: It is illegal to play the fiddle. Two people may not kiss in front of a church. No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city. No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears. Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except o Sundays. It is illegal to eat peanuts in church. An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday. Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common. No one may take a bath without a prescription. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.
* Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You'd get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
* Bullets may not be used as currency.
* Burlington: You may not walk around with a "drink".
* Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
* Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
* Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
* Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
* Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
* Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
* Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
* Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
* In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it's illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
* In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
* In Boston it's illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It's also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
* In Boston, it's illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
* In Boston it's against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you're overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can't leave it in the street.
* In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
* In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
* In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
* In Provincetown, Mass., it's illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
* In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
* It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
* It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
* It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
* It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
* It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
* It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
* It's illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
* It's illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
* It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
* It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
* Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
* Marlboro: It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. Silly string is illegal in the city limits. One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.
* Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
* Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
* Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
* Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
* Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor.
* No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
* North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
* Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
* Public boxing matches are outlawed.
* Quakers and witches are banned.
* Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
* Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
* Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
* Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
* Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
* Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand.
* You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.


* A Michigan law states that a wife's hair legally belongs to her husband.
* A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
* Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
* In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
* In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
* In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
* In Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.
* It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
* It is illegal to loiter in the city morgue in Detroit.
* It's illegal in Michigan for a person under the age of 21 to give a gift of alcohol beverage to anyone, even to a person of legal age.
* Permitting diners to take home an unfinished bottle of alcohol beverage, rather than consuming it all before leaving to prevent "waste," encourages moderation and discourages intoxication. However, this is prohibited in Michigan.
* Smoking while in bed is illegal.
* The use of the names of dead presidents to sell alcohol in Michigan is prohibited.
* Under an 1889 law, the health officer of East Jordan, Mich., could send any nonresident with an infectious disease back to where he came from, as long as the person could travel. If not, the officer could rent a house for use as a pest house.
* You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.


* A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.
* A Minnesota tax form is quite thorough. Some would say too thorough. It even asks for your date of death.
* A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
* A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
* All bathtubs must have feet.
* All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
* Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
* Clawson: There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
* Every man in Brainerd, Minnesota is required by law to grow a beard.
* Grand Haven: No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
* Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
* Harper Woods: It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
* Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.
* In Duluth, Minnesota it is illegal to allow animals to sleep in a bakery.
* In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks.
* It is illegal to sleep naked.
* It used to be legal in Minnesota to sell rolled candy on Sunday, and illegal to sell flat candy. The wafer people have gotten this one repealed.
* Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street
* Minnesota has repealed its so-called "Twinkie" law, under which a Minneapolis City Council candidate was indicted for dispensing $34 worth of Twinkies, Ho-Hos, cookies, Kool-Aid and coffee to some senior citizens.
* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
* Public intoxication is a crime in Pennsylvania but specifically not a crime in Minnesota.
* Rochester: All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. Smoking while in bed is illegal.
* St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
* There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.
* Wayland: Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
* You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan. Kalamazoo: It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.


* Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
* Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
* Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
* Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
* In Brandon, Mississipi it is illegal to attempt to stop someone from walking down the sidewalk by parking a motorhome in their path.
* In Temperance, MS, you can't walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
* In Oxford, Miss., it's illegal to "create unnecessary noises."
* It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
* It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
* Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
* Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
* Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
* Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine.


* Anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.
* Buckner: In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
* Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri... but not toy cap guns.
* Excelsior Springs: Hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
* In Ballwin, Mo., the only place you can use vulgar, obscene or indecent language is in your home.
* In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
* In Springfield, door to door salesman are prohibited from selling their goods while standing in the middle of the road, screaming at passing vehicles.
* In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
* In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.
* It is not illegal to speed.
* Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
* Marceline: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
* Marquette: It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
* Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
* Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
* Mole: Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
* Natchez: It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
* Purdy: Dancing is strictly prohibited.
* St. Louis: It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets. A milk man may not run while on duty.
* University City: Four women may not rent an apartment together.


* It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
* It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
* In Billings, Montana it is illegal for employees of the city's communications center to program their phones with speed dial.
* It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
* Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.
* Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
* It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
* It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
* Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
* Helena: No item may be thrown across a street.
* Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
* Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
* Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
* Montana just legalized the production of caviar.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.162.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 04:59AM

* A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
* Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man's chest in Omaha, Nebraska.
* If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
* It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
* It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
* It is illegal to go whale fishing.
* It is illegal to sleep naked in a hotel/ motel room.
* Lehigh: Doughnut holes may not be sold
* Omaha: Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.
* The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
* Waterloo: Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.


* A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
* Clark County: An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.
* Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
* Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
* In Las Vegas, Nevada: It's against the law to pawn your dentures.
* In Las Vegas you can bet on any team--except The University of Nevada at Las Vegas.
* In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
* In Nevada until the 1960s it was illegal to sell liquor at religious camp meetings, within a half-mile of the state prison, in the State Capitol Building or to imbeciles.
* In Reno, Nevada staging a marathon dance is illegal, although posting a notice on a fire hydrant about illegal dance marathons is not.
* In the old days in Nevada a man caught beating his wife was tied to a stake for eight hours a day with a sign that read, "Wife Beater" fastened to his chest.
* It's illegal in Nevada to have a "house of ill fame" within 400 yards of a church or school.
* It is illegal in Reno, Nevada to conceal a spray-painted shopping cart in your basement.
* It's still "legal" to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
* Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers' immediate families.

New Hampshire

* Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
* In New Hampshire it is illegal to inhale bus fumes with the intent of inducing euphoria.
* In New Hampshire you are prohibited from pawning the clothes off your back to pay off gambling debts.
* It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
* It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
* New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
* On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
* White Mountain Nat. Forest: If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ''maintaining the national forest without a permit''.
* You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
* You may not run machinery on Sundays.

New Jersey

* Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
* Bernards Township: It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".
* Caldwell: You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
* Cranford: Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
* Cresskill: All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
* Elizabeth: It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
* If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
* In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday.
* In New Jersey it is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
* In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
* It's illegal in New Jersey for parents to give their children under the age of 18 even a sip of alcohol.
* It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
* It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
* It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
* It's also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street.
* Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
* Manville: It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
* Newark: It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
* Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
* Raw hamburger may not be sold.
* On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
* Raritan: Profanity is prohibited.
* Sea Isle City: There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
* There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.
* You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.

New Mexico

* A city council member in Albuquerque, N.M., introduced a resolution a few years ago to ban Santa Claus from the city. The matter was defeated.
* Carrizozo: It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
* In Albuquerque, New Mexico it is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.
* In Carlsbad it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
* In recent years, several efforts have been made to legalize camel racing and ostrich racing in New Mexico, but to no avail. Those bills were defeated, but the legislature recently allowed gambling on bicycle races.
* Las Cruces: You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.
* State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

New York

* A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
* A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
* Before the enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of dog excrement were deposited on the streets every year.
* Carmel: A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
* Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".
* Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, N.Y.
* During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.
* In New York, you can teach your pet parrot to speak, but not to squawk.
* In New York City you need a permit to transport carbonated beverages.
* In New York City it is illegal for a man to give 'The Standard Lear' to a woman. Violators are forced to wear horse blinders.
* In New York City, it's illegal to throw swill into the street.
* In New York City it's illegal to shake a dust mop out a window.
* In New York State it is still illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car.
* In Ocean City, New York It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.
* In Ocean City New York, It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
* In Staten Island, New York, It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."
* In Staten Island, New York, You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
* In Tonawanda, New York homeless people may not start a fire in the park unless they intend to cook food.
* It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
* It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."
* It is illegal to jump off the Empire State building.
* It's illegal in New York to start any kind of public performance, show, play, game or what have you, until after 1:05 p.m.
* Jaywalking is legal, as long as it's not diagonal. That is, you can cross the street out of the crosswalk, but you can't cross a street diagonally.
* Members of nine New York Indian tribes are exempt from the city's eight percent parking tax.
* New York and a handful of other states require that toilets be evenly divided among men and women in public theaters or arenas.
* Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
* New York City may be the theater capital of the country, but it's illegal to have a puppet show in your window and a violation can land you in the snoozer for 30 days.
* New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.
* Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.
* Staten Island: You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
* The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways.
* The New York State Senate passed a resolution to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the Brooklyn Dodgers' 1955 world championship and expressed a longing that someday the Dodgers will return to "their one and only true home."
* To cut down on its once-horrific graffiti problem, New York City several years ago made it illegal to carry an open can of spray paint.

North Carolina

* A recent proposal that ministers walk the beat with police officers in Belmont, N.C., notes "the ministers will carry a Bible instead of a gun."
* An ordinance proposed in Robbins, N.C., states, "In the future, anyone not living within the immediate vicinity of Robbins must have a permit from the Chief of Police and okayed by the Mayor or one of the Commissioners." It's not clear what the permit is for, but they may be on to something.
* In Robbins, N.C., anyone who refuses to black out after hearing the blackout signal is subject to a $5 fine.
* A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.
* All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
* Barber: Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
* By town law the sewer service charge in Belhaven, N.C., used to be "$2 per month, per stool." It was recently changed to read "per toilet."
* Because people were using them for cheap furniture, it's now illegal in North Carolina to take and sell labeled milk crates.
* Chapel Hill: It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.
* Charlotte: Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.
* Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
* Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
* Forest City: You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.
* Greensboro: Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.
* Hornytown: Massage parlors have been banned.
* In Asheville, North Carolina, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.
* In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he must be "inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life."
* If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
* If you happen to own a marl bed in North Carolina, the law demands that you put a fence around it. A marl bed may not be what you think. It is a kind of rock quarry.
* In Forest City, N.C., it's illegal to bring a pea-shooter to a parade. It's also illegal to shoot paper clips with rubber bands.
* In Mooresville, N.C., it's illegal to attach anything to a pool table.
* In Nags Headm North Carolina you can be fined for singing out of tune for more than ninety seconds.
* In Rockwell, N.C., anyone who violates the terms of a proclamation--such as failing to appropriately celebrate Peanut Day or Jaycees Week--is guilty of a misdemeanor.
* North Carolina just passed a law saying a political action committee, or PAC, has to have a name that describes the group's cause or purpose. The idea is to prohibit, say, the highway or tobacco lobbies from calling themselves "Citizens for Good Government."
* In North Carolina it's illegal to dig ginseng on other people's property between the months of April and September, according to an 1866 law.
* In North Carolina it's illegal to sell cotton lint at night.
* In North Carolina it is illegal to make love on the floor of a hotel room between two double beds.
* In Winston-Salem, North Carolina, it is against the law for children under seven years of age to go to college.
* It is against the law to roller blade on a state highway.
* It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard.
* It's against the law to sing off key.
* It's unlawful to attract a crowd in Forest City, N.C., except when aching the Gospel, politicking or "serenading on occasion of public rejoicing."
* Kill Devil Hills: You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.
* Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
* North Carolina forbids sex outside of marriage, or "fornication," but the girlfriend as well as the man would have to be prosecuted.
* Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.
* Punching an official at a youth sports program in Nashville, N.C., incurs a three-year suspension from the program for adult spectators as well as participants.
* Rocky Mount: It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.
* Southern Shores: It is against the law to roller-blade on a state highway.
* Thomasville, North Carolina, prohibits airplanes from flying over the town on Sundays during the hours between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.
* The good people of Tryon, N.C., are serious about getting a good night's sleep. It's against the law for anyone to keep "fowl that shall cackle," or for anyone to play the piccolo between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7:30 a.m.
* While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.
* You can't sneeze on the streets of Asheville, North Carolina.
* You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.
* There is to be no roller-blading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks.

North Dakota

* Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
* Fargo: One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.
* In Collierville: Keeping clean can be a chilly proposition, as a law there says all bathtubs must be kept in the backyard.
* In North Dakota, charitable groups can hold stud poker games to raise money, but only twice a year
* In North Dakota it is illegal to keep an elk in a sandbox in your backyard.
* In Waverly you better not let your horse near the tub, since horses are prohibited from sleeping in them, as well as in the house.
* It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
* It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon.


* According to Ohio law, it's against the law to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church without a license.
* A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him. However, the reverse is not true, even if it's a police dog.
* Bay Village: It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.
* Bexley: The installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses is prohibited.
* Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
* Cars are not allowed to scare horses in Centerville, Ohio.
* Cincinnati: Anal intercourse is banned.
* Cleveland: It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
* Cleveland law forbids you to operate a motor vehicle while sitting in another person's lap.
* In Cleveland, Ohio, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
* Clinton County: Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines.
* In Chillicothe, Ohio it is illegal to throw rice at weddings.
* Columbus: It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
* Fairview Park: It's against the law to honk your horn "excessively". A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor. Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission.
* Funeral jargon seems to have crept into the wording of a cemetery fee regulation in Norton, Ohio. There regular plots are $33, but "creamies" are $75.
* In Marysville, Ohio it is illegal for a dog to urinate on a parking meter.
* In the hippy-dippy late '60s, Youngstown, Ohio, briefly had a law making it illegal to walk barefoot through town.
* In ohio it is illegal to ride on the roof of a taxi cab.
* In ohio it is illegal to run out of gas.
* In Ohio women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
* In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
* In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
* In Oxford, Ohio, it is unlawful for a woman to appear in public while unshaven. This includes legs and face.
* In Xenia, Ohio, it's illegal to spit in a salad bar
* Ironton: Cross-dressing is against the law.
* It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
* It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
* It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
* It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
* It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.
* It is legal to throw a snake at someone but it is illegal to shake a snake at someone.
* Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission.
* It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
* Lima: Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.
* Lowell: It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour.
* Marion: You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
* McDonald: Your goose may not paraded down Main Street.
* No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
* Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.
* Oxford: It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
* Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
* Paulding: A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
* Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed.
* The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
* Toledo: Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
* You may not run out of gas.


* Alfalfa Bill Murray was a legendary legislator in Oklahoma around the turn of the century who became speaker of the house and governor. He was also a tall fellow, and nothing ticked him off more than going into a hotel and having short sheets on the bed. In 1908 he had a law passed that required all hotels in the Sooner state to have sheets that covered the bed and had three extra feet of linen to cover the head and feet. The so-called "Nine Foot Sheet" stayed on the books for several decades, until after Alfalfa went to his last resting place.
* Ada: If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
* Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
* Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
* Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
* Clinton: Molesting an automobile is illegal.
* Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
* Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
* Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
* Harthahorne City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
* In Broken Arrow, Oklahoma pigs less than 32 inches in length may be kept as pets provided there are no more than two in a house.
* In Bromide, Oklahoma it is illegal for children to use towels as capes and jump from houses pretending to be superman.
* Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
* In Oklahoma, people who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
* In Tulsa, Oklahoma the limit on kisses is three minutes.
* It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
* It is illegal to have sex before you are married.
* It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
* It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
* It's statutory rape for a man over 18 to have sex with a female under the age of 18, provided she's a virgin. If she's not a virgin, it is okay, but the said person must be over 16. If both parties are under 18, then the law does not apply.
* No one may spit on a sidewalk.
* One may not promote a "horse tripping event".
* Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.
* Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings.
* Schulter: Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
* Tattoos are banned.
* Whale hunting is strictly prohibitted throughout the entire state of Oklahoma.
* Wynona: One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended. Mules may not drink out of bird baths. Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
* Yukon: It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall. While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.


* Beaverton: You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
* Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
* Dishes must drip dry.
* Eugene: It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
* Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
* In Oregon anyone with a bad reputation is prohibited from distributing malt beverages.
* In Salem, Oregon, it's illegal for patrons of establishments that feature nude dancing to be within two feet of the dancers.
* In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
* It is against the law for animals to have sex in the city limits.
* It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
* It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex.
* It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.
* There is a law in Portland, Oregon saying that it is illegal to own bolt cutters but yet they sell them in all the local hardware stores. One person got pulled over for carrying a bolt cutter down the street and the police took it away from him saying it was illegal for him to have.
* Klamath Falls: It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
* Marion: Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
* Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
* Myrtle Creek: One may not box with a kangaroo.
* No more than two people may share a single drink.
* One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
* People may not whistle underwater.
* You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
* Salem: Women may not wrestle in Salem. Springfield It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
* The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
* You may not pump your own gas in service stations.


* A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
* A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
* All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
* Allentown: There is a ban on men becoming aroused in public.
* Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
* Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
* By law, "watch stuffers" are unwelcome in McKeesport, Pa. Now, no one is quite sure what a watch stuffer does, but whatever he does, he better do it somewhere else.
* Carlisle: In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of $50 dollars a year to park on a particular block. At night, however, the cars must be moved for street cleaning. This law is enforced even if snow or ice prevents the cars from being moved.
* Connellsville: One's pants may be worn no lower than five inches below the waist.
* Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
* Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
* In Bensalem, Pennsylvania it is illegal to race mufflerless go-karts after 6PM on Sunday.
* In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
* In Hazelton, Pennsylvania, there is a law on the books that prohibits a person from sipping a carbonated drink while lecturing students in a school auditorium.
* In Philadelphia, you can't put pretzels in bags.
* In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot.
* In York, Pennsylvania, you can't sit down while watering your lawn with a hose.
* It sounds like the title of a rock album or something, but "Coasting on Beaver Street" is illegal in Edgeworth, Pa.
* It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
* It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
* Millville: One may not shoot any dog that is found wandering the streets. The sale of alcohol is prohibited.
* Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.
* Morrisville: It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.
* Newtown: Every outlet or switch (which can be purchased for 59 cents) that is installed requires an electrical inspection fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.
* No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
* No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official "beer distributor"
* No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator. Stoves, dishwashers and microwave ovens are not specifically mentioned.
* Pittsburgh: It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car.
* Tarentum: Horses are not to be tied to parking meters.
* The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
* Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.
* Witchcraft was first legalized in the colony of Pennsylvania.
* You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
* You may not catch a fish with your hands.
* You may not sing in the bathtub.

Rhode Island

* Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.
* Exercising any labor, business, or work, or using any game, sport, play, or recreation, or causing any of the above to be done to or by your children, servants, or apprentices on the first day of the week (Sunday) results in a penalty of $5 for the first offense and $10 for the second.
* In Providence, Rhode Island it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
* In Scituate, Rhode Island it is illegal to keep a flock of chickens in your motorhome if you live in a trailer park.
* Impersonating a town sealer, auctioneer, corder of wood, or a fence-viewer is against the law. Penalty: $20 to $100 fine.
* It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
* It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years.
* It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged.
* It is illegal to place a windmill within twenty-five (25) rods of any traveled street or road.
* It's a misdemeanor to keep more than 11 inoperable vehicles in front of a house.
* Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday.
* It is illegal to wear transparent clothing.
* Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days.
* This state still prohibits unmarried people from having sex under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers are both fined only 10 dollars
* West Warwick It is illegal to use water on even-numbered days for the sole purpose of watering plants, gardens, or lawns. If you break this law there is a fine of $25-$100.

South Carolina

* A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people.
* All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day.
* By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.
* Charleston: It is against the law to drive a motorized vehicle on King Street.
* The Fire Department may blow up your house. This law was made so that the fire department could create a fire brake.
* Dance halls may not operate on Sundays.
* Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.
* Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.
* Fountain Inn: Horses are to wear pants at all times.
* In South Carolina, wife beaters weren't allowed to hold public office.
* In South Carolina you can be fined for not denouncing "the evils of intemperance" on the fourth Friday of every October.
* It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
* It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.
* It is illegal to communicate with a woman using obscene messages.
* It is illegal to display a confederate flag on a courthouse.
* It is illegal to give or receive oral sex.
* It is illegal to sell any alcoholic beverages on Sunday, unless you own a private club.
* It is legal to beat your wife on a Sunday morning on the steps of the state house.
* Lancaster County: It is illegal to dance in public.
* Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold.
* Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday.
* No work may be done on Sunday. An exception is that light bulbs may be sold.
* On Hilton Head Island, South Carolina it is illegal to shine a flashlight on a sea turtle
* Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal.
* Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.
* Spartanburg: Eating watermelons in the Magnolia Street cemetery is forbidden.
* When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic.

South Dakota

* In hotels in Sioux Falls, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
* In South Dakota it is illegal to try to convince a pacifist to renounce his beliefs by threatening to arm-wrestle him.
* It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
* Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.


* "Crimes against nature" are prohibited.
* Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.
* Driving is not to be done while asleep.
* Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
* Fayette County: You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property.
* Hollow logs may not be sold.
* In Jonesboro, Tenn., a slingshot used to be classified by law as a deadly weapon.
* In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
* In Tennessee it is illegal to use a lasso to catch fish.
* It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
* It is legal to gather and consume road kill
* It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM.
* Knoxville: In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a "hitching post."
* Lexington: No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk. Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited.
* Memphis: It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. Panhandlers must first obtain a $10 permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.
* More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
* Nashville: Males may not be sexually aroused in public.
* Stealing a horse is punishable by hanging.
* You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
* Oneida: An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song "It Ain't Goin' To Rain No Mo'."


* A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
* A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
* Abilene: It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
* Austin: Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
* Beaumont: Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
* Borger: It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
* Clarendon: It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
* Dallas: It's illegal to possess realistic dildos.
* El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."
* Galveston: It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
* Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday. It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
* If you went to church in Texas years back, you'd better be recognized. An old law made it illegal to go to church in disguise.
* In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor...and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine.
* In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home.
* In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length.
* In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday.
* In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
* In Lefors, Texas it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
* In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts.
* It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
* It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
* It is illegal to have an open container in a car.
* It is illegal to have anything protruding from your bumper unless it is attached with a chain
* It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
* It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
* It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn't blind.
* In Texas any artificial constructed underwater barrier reefs must come with an instruction booklet.
* In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities.
* It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
* Jasper: Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.
* Lubbock County: It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
* Port Arthur: Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
* Richardson: It is now illegal to place a "for sale" sign on a car if it visible from the street. It is illegal to do "U Turns".
* San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
* Temple: No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon. Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
* Texarkana: Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
* Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
* There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.
* You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

crazy laws in america

* A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
* A Utah legislator proposed a resolution urging that each TV weather person be required to provide an ice cream cone to every member of the state House of Representatives whenever the forecast was wrong. The resolution failed, perhaps on First Amendment grounds.
* In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper.The man does not receive any punishment.
* Birds have the right of way on all highways.
* In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor.
* It is against the law to fish from horseback.
* It is considered an offense to hunt whales.
* It is illegal not to drink milk.
* Kaysville: You must have identification to enter a convenience store after dark.
* Logan: Women may not swear.
* No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
* Salt Lake City: No one may walk down the street carrying a paper bag containing a violin.
* The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (BAFT) bans the word "refreshing" to describe any alcohol beverage.
* Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine.
* Trout Creek: Pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.


* At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
* Barre All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.
* Call a Vermont court a "kangaroo court" or some similar moniker, and you might be looking at a $200 fine. It is illegal to defame a court.
* In Vermont it is illegal to paint landscapes in times of war.
* In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
* It is illegal to deny the existence of God.
* It's against the law in Vermont for vagrants to procure food by force. Apparently if you have a good job and stable home life, it's O.K. to procure food by force.


* An old Virginia law was titled, "An Act to Prevent Corrupt Practices or Bribery by Any Person Other Than a Candidate."
* As in many towns, you need a permit to run a barbershop in Christiansburg, Va. But the wording of the town's law indicates that the permit will be revoked if you're caught operating without a permit.
* A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept out in the yards, not inside the houses.
* Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
* Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
* Culpeper: No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk.
* Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited.
* If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
* If you are intoxicated but not driving your car, but the person who is driving your car is intoxicated, both you and the driver can be charged with DUI in Virginia Beach, Virginia.
* In Christiansburg, Va., it's illegal to imitate a police whistle.
* In Christiansburg, Va., it's illegal to "spit, expectorate or deposit any sputum, saliva or any form of saliva or sputum."
* In Newport it's against the law to tickle a girl under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention.
* In Norfolk a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.
* In Radford, VA you are not allowed to spit, loogie, puke or urinate on the streets.
* In Richmond, Va., you must buy a license for 93 cents to sell song books on the street.
* In Richmond, Virginia it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee.
* It is illegal to tickle women.
* Lebanon: It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.
* Norfolk: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated. A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere. Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.
* Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
* Perhaps anticipating telemarketing, the town fathers of Albany, Va., have for years prohibited peddlers from using the telephone to either sell things or raise funds.
* Police radar detectors are illegal.
* Richmond: It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.
* Swearing at someone over the phone in virginia is punishable by a $100 fine.
* There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates."
* There was once a law in Salem Virginia that made it illegal to leave home without knowing where you were going.
* Victoria: It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street.
* Virginia Beach: It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike. It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk. It is also unlawful to drive by the same place within 30 minutes on Atlantic Avenue.
* You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday.
* You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc.
* You may not work on Sunday.


* "It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election."
* A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
* All lollipops are banned.
* All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.
* An old Washington law sent duelists to jail for ten years, assuming they didn't lose the duel.
* A proposed Washington law protects sports referees from civil suit unless their actions were "willful, wanton, reckless, malicious or grossly negligent."
* Auburn: Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
* A Washington state law offers the presumption that youngsters will read comic books.
* Bremerton: You may not shuck peanuts on the street.
* Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. If the honey you are eating in Seattle is a blend of honey from or more types of flowers, it's illegal for the honey to be labeled as having come from one type of flower.
* In Electric City, WA, it is illegal to "keep, or permit to remain, in any location . . . anything whatsoever in which flies or rats may breed or multiply."
* In Olympia, Wash., minors are prohibited from frequenting pool halls.
* In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
* In Spokane, Wash., it used to be illegal to interrupt a religious meeting by having a horse race.
* In the state of Washington it's illegal to catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.
* In Washington state it's illegal for a candidate to buy anyone a drink on Election Day.
* In Washington state it's illegal to sleep in an outhouse without the owner's permission.
* In Washington state it's illegal to sell to minors comics that might incite them to violence or depraved or immoral acts.
* In Washington it's illegal to pretend you're the child of a rich person and entitled to his estate.
* In Washington, anyone under the age of 18 must have parental permission to throw a tear gas canister.
* In Washington state, until quite recently, you could have been fined up to $500 for removing or defacing the label on a pillow.
* It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
* It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
* Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.
* Seattle: Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term. No one may set fire to another person's property without prior permission. It is illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus because the sound of the water sloshing may disturb other passengers.
* The state of Washington doesn't allow marathon dancing--or marathon skipping, sliding, gliding, rolling or crawling.
* Under the law of the state of Washington, any restroom with pay toilets has to have an equal number of free toilets. This law came to pass after the speaker of the state House of Representatives raced to an all-pay facility without a dime.
* Waldron Island: No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing.
* Washington state doesn't allow fake wrestling.
* You are not allowed to breast feed in public.
* You need a license to sell condoms in Washington state.

West Virginia

* According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag.
* Alderson: One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
* A person may not hold public office if they have ever taken part in a duel. A person may be jailed for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challenge.
* Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
* Huntington: Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.
* If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.
* In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humerous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
* In West Virginia it is illegal to dig for ginseng on your neighbor's lawn without their permission.
* In West Virginia, it is legal for one to take roadkill home for dinner
* It is against the law for men to have sex with any animal over 40 pounds in weight.
* It is illegal to snooze on a train.
* It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down.
* Nicholas County: No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
* No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
* When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.


* As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
* At one time, margarine was illegal.
* A Wisconsin legislator recently introduced a bill making it illegal to tattoo someone under the age of 18. He was quoted as saying, "I'm going to save the buttocks of a few juveniles."
* Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
* Cheese making requires a cheese maker's license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.
* Citizens may not murder their enemies.
* Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist's counter.
* In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
* In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.
* In Wisconsin you are allowed to marry your house.
* It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.
* It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window.
* It is illegal to kiss on a train.
* It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
* Kenosha: No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.
* La Crosse: It is illegal to play checkers in public. You cannot "worry a squirrel."
* Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car. It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention. If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day. It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns.
* Next time you start a riot in Wisconsin remember that it i illegal to use a laser pointer to do so.
* Racine: Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man.
* State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
* Wisconsin law provides for a fine of $2 to $20 for anyone under age 17 caught jumping onto a railroad car while the train is in motion.
* You must manually flush all urinals in a building.


* An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
* Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.
* In Wyoming it is illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner.
* It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
* It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.
* Wyoming required that every inmate of the state's training school for girls be issued crinoline bloomers.
* You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it. For the end a little disclaimer: although most of these laws are true, or were true in the past, there are some that were intentionally taken out of context for entertainment purpose.
And remember, always obey the law no matter how crazy it is.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.162.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 05:01AM
5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man
Published on 11/21/2006

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"winking smiley

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

1. Yes, but you have a better personality
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
4. Define 'pretty'
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette."winking smiley

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 05:18AM
IN TEXAS * You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

Fossil, be careful !!
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: March 03, 2008 05:33AM
i knew that one.....winking smiley
Posted by: Placelowerplace [x] - (Moderator)
Date: March 12, 2008 07:31PM
> > > Children's Books that didn't make it....

1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10.The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11.Some Kittens Can Fly.

12.That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

13.Grandpa Gets a Casket

14.The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15.Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16.The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17.Strangers Have the Best Candy

18.Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19.You Were an Accident

20.Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21.Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22.The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23.Your Nightmares Are Real

24.Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25.Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26.Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27.Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28.Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Posted by: quasi [x] - (64.215.250.---)
Date: March 13, 2008 01:27AM

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known
as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?


5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.


6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?


7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*

8 Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?


9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?


11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~*

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...they're cramming for their final exam.


16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?


17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?


18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?


19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?


22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?


23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: March 13, 2008 02:46AM
eye rolling smiley
On a scale of one to ten Quasi, I gove you a onety one!
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.55.---)
Date: March 13, 2008 03:07AM
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so…

Below is a very private way to gauge you loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or still a MENSA candidate.

Ok, relax… clear your mind, and begin.


Q: What do you put in a toaster?
A: The answer is bread. If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else before you hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to the next question.


Q: Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink?
A: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World." If you said "water", then proceed to the next question.


Q: If a red house is made with red bricks, a blue house is made with blue bricks, a pink house is made with pink bricks, a black house is made with black bricks, what is a greenhouse made with?
A: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to the next question.


Q: Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing. Unfortunately, the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no-man's-land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors—East Germany or West Germany or in "no-man's-land?"
A: You don't, of course, bury the survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated… If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.


Q: If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

A: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything else other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.


Q: Without using a calculator—You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. Now, what was the name of the bus driver?
A: Oh, for Heaven's sake… It was you!
Posted by: woberto [x] - (59.154.144.---)
Date: March 13, 2008 04:42AM
You are with a friend in the art gallery.
You come across a portrait that looks very much like your friend.
You suspect they are related so you ask about it.
Your friend replies;
"Brothers and sisters I have none but this mans father is my fathers son".
What is the relation of your friend to the person in the portrait?
Posted by: Lexx [x] - (72.146.126.---)
Date: March 13, 2008 06:00AM
"Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?"

They are, but only in NASCAR.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (166.129.180.---)
Date: March 18, 2008 02:36AM
A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun, and robs the bank.

Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, “Did you see me rob this bank?”
The customer replies, “Yes!”
The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and BANG - shoots him in the head and kills him.

He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, “Did You see me rob this bank?”
The man calmly responds ... “No, but my wife did!”
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (24.21.92.---)
Date: March 22, 2008 03:56AM
One morning a man comes into church on crutches. He stops in front of The holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws Away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell The priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says,
'Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?
'Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water.'
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (24.21.92.---)
Date: March 22, 2008 03:57AM
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning Father, what is this?" he asked the pastor.
The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial plaque to all the young men and women who died in the Service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, he asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (24.21.92.---)
Date: March 22, 2008 03:57AM
A U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field over yonder."
The Agriculture representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the United States Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....
"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"
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