People keep telling me my beard makes me look like an axe murderer.
I tell them it's a magic beard which disappears when you look away.
That usually buys me enough time to reach for my axe.
A little boy came home from school and announced to his father that he had learned a new word but admitted he didn’t know what it meant. His dad asked him what the word was and he said “cunt”.
His dad took him upstairs to his bedroom where his wife was having a nap. He pulled back the covers, lifted up her night dress and pointed between her thighs, and said: “that’s the fanny; the rest of her is the cunt”.
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just jogged around the park and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed and asked the other man what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat plenty of rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina, especially with the ladies, if you know what I mean?"
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I'll take 5 loaves please."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf it'll be hard."
He replied, "Jesus. I can't believe every fucker knows about this shit but me."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2009 05:50PM by dv8.