Posted by:
shaDEz [
x] - (58.105.18.---)
Date: April 26, 2006 01:24AM
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the
bucket up he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
_________________________________________________________________________
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four
hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back
the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very
closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?