90130_ Report This Comment Date: November 22, 2007 05:42PM
No, It's Custer. Custard can be found on your momma's kitchen table next to the
stuffing and condiments. Jesus H. Christ.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 22/11/2007 05:47PM by 90130_.
Anonymous Report This Comment Date: November 22, 2007 09:44PM
90210..... What? You had to edit your words..... Jesus H. Christ
90130_ Report This Comment Date: November 22, 2007 11:19PM
I failed to use proper punctuation, therefore I chose to edit my post. And it's
90130 for fuck's sake....Jesus H. Christ.
pro_junior Report This Comment Date: November 23, 2007 05:21AM
CUSTER'S
LAST LETTER.
BY PETER KRINKE
- - - -
June 24, 1876
My dear Elizabeth,
Forgive my tardiness in responding to your last letter. Tomorrow we shall engage
the Indian hordes and I'm busy with the preparations for battle. I must tell
you, dear, that though I'm loath to underestimate our task, I doubt very
seriously that we'll suffer any casualties at all.
I mean, let's be honest: they're Indians.
So confident am I of victory that yesterday I canceled my eye appointment with
the army physician to receive new spectacles. And though it is difficult for me
to read a map, navigate a battlefield, or respond coherently to any visual
sensory stimuli, I am still 100 percent sure of our inevitable victory.
It's true, a lot of my men are underfed. They're in poor physical condition.
Many of them can't walk without crutches. But you know who doesn't know that?
The Indians. So that's one more for our side.
My soldiers, ever-reluctant to test their mettle in battle, keep asking for
intelligence. "How many Indians are we facing?" they ask. "With
what are they armed?" I say, "Who gives a crap?" It's true we
don't have the best weapons available to us, but most of my men can load and
fire their rifles 10 to 12 times a minute. You've gotta like those numbers. And,
if the Indians get too close, my soldiers can use their bayonets. They are like
sharp knives on the ends of the rifles (very sharp!).
To be honest, I've been spending the majority of my time attempting to compose a
rousing hymn to lead us into battle but am finding it exceedingly difficult to
rhyme anything with "Indian." The closest I've come is
"Shmindian." Please let me know if you have any ideas on this
subject.
Let me put your mind at ease, darling. Even if my entire army were drunk and
dressed in the provocative costumes of loose women, even if the Indians were
reinforced by the gods and monsters of their queer and obviously made-up
religion, even if their perverse dreams—suddenly, miraculously, brought to
life—led them into battle, I still believe we would suffer only minimal
casualties.
The creator of God Almighty could not lead the Indians to victory tomorrow. Even
the creator of the creator of God Almighty could not even expect anything
approaching 50-50 odds. I AM CUSTER! SON OF A BITCH! I AM CUSTER!
Also, how is your lumbago?
Yours,
Custer
Anonymous Report This Comment Date: November 23, 2007 02:27PM
What's the H stand for in Jesus H Christ?
pro_junior Report This Comment Date: November 23, 2007 03:30PM
harold
zxz555 Report This Comment Date: November 23, 2007 04:45PM
hates, he was schitzo
Anonymous Report This Comment Date: December 15, 2007 01:12AM
nah, it's definitely Harold
...Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name...
