Mrkim Report This Comment
Date: August 26, 2014 02:37AM

Hmmm, I agree with some of this, yet strongly disagree with it too.

Yes you should pay attention to your kids but, no, they should also be taught manners to understand they can't be attention whores allowed to interrupt necessary conversations either. This relates to teaching them manners, which is something severely lacking in most kids and even more sadly, society as a whole.

And the concept of being their best buddies, well, yes and no. You have to gain the righteous respect and admiration of your kids but if your aim is to be their BFF all the time, you'll find yourself unable to properly motivate them to do better when necessary because you'll be too worried about what they will think of your guidance to actually GIVE them the guidance they need and expect from you.

Like my Mom used to say "Raising kids will be the hardest job you'll ever have". To me, teaching them what's expected to get along in the world, what is and is not acceptable and tempering their learning with guidance, motivation and loving discipline is about as hard a task as I can imagine





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 26/08/2014 02:44AM by Mrkim.

DarkKlown Report This Comment
Date: August 26, 2014 03:32AM

As with all things in life it's about reaching a balance.

We live in a society where so many parents generally ignore their kids. I will constantly see parents walking off down the road with a child following 5-10 meters behind. I think some people think that children should do this or do that but when the kids don't it's the kids fault. Children are a blank slate, any behaviour good or bad is something that they pick up from their environment. I'm constantly catching myself doing or saying things that I have to correct myself doing because I don't want that behaviour (that I picked up from those around me) to be passed onto my kid.

I don't necessarily think you can't be a child's BFF, part of raising children is defiantly discipline but that can generally be taught via example and guidance. Taking out a whip to get someone in line may work in the short term but long term learning is about instilling behaviours that are reinforcing to the outcome you wish.

I think the point he's trying to convey is that like everything in life you get out what you put in. You can't be upset at a teenager for bad behaviour if that's all they have been exposed to. It's also about breaking cycles. It's not good enough to turn around and say 'well that's how I was raised', it's about thinking 'how was I raised? how can I do it better?'.

I'll definitely agree that raising kids is the hardest and longest thing you'll ever do (doesn't end at 18!).

Mrkim Report This Comment
Date: August 26, 2014 04:29AM

I get a lot of what you're sayin DK and know too how difficult is is to break some of the parenting molds we were taught. It's much easier to fall into those same traps our own parents fell into than to set sail on a new and different course in our own lives.

And yeah, 18 is not a cut off point for sure! Mine are 32 and 25 and we're all still learning things together.

What's really trippy is havin these lil humans followin me around callin me Grandad these days. Even stranger is that they act as if I'm sposta be some source of wisdom