I called my stockbroker today and asked him, "What are you buying" ? His answer: “Canned goods and ammunition.” Sounds right to me.
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My Living Will Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.. She's such an ass .
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An elderly couple, Don and Joyce, had been emailing each other for a long, long time. Their compatibility seemed a natural match and they decided it was finally time to live their lives together. Before they did so, they met and went to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their relationship might work. They discussed finances, household arrangements, and so on. Fin
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A Port Charlotte couple was arrested Wednesday on various drug and probation violation charges after a search of the home in the 22300 block of Midway Boulevard, where officials found oxycodone, used needles with residue, a straw, razor and numerous empty prescription bottles. Detectives of the Sheriff’s Fugitive Apprehension Unit were asked by State Probation to assist in checking on John Th
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Associated Press A woman in southwest Florida has been arrested after deputies say she assaulted her husband for complaining about her cooking. A Lee County Sheriff's Office arrest report shows 66-year-old Meredith Hart Mulcahy of Bonita Springs was charged with battery on an elderly person Tuesday night. Deputies say her husband, 71-year-old Richard Johnson, got into an argument with
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MORELIA, Mexico (AP) — Call it the case of the dead cells — both telephones and the ones in the brain. Employees at a Telefonica Movistar cell-phone store in Morelia, Mexico say they arrived Tuesday morning to find that the store had been broken into. An examination of the shop revealed the only items missing were hollow replica phones for display that are completely useless for making ca
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The monkeys are in charge of the zoo.
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One thing I've always stressed to my kids when they got BB guns was that waiving a gun around was a good way to get shot by the cops because they don't know what the hell kind of gun it is or what you're gonna do with it.
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ZURICH (AP) — It must rank among the easiest fires ever to put out. Zurich authorities say police and firefighters were called to the house of an elderly woman early Thursday after she reported her television set was burning. When they arrived, they discovered no signs of fire or smoke. They found instead that the TV was tuned into a German station that in the early morning hours aire
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TORRINGTON, Conn. (AP) — A group of teenagers misunderstood a woman's screams during sex and, thinking they were stopping an assault, beat a 25-year-old man in her bedroom, police said. A 16-year-old girl who lives in the same Torrington home as the 34-year-old woman overheard her and the man on June 6 and rounded up four friends to stop what they thought was an attack, police Lt. Bruce White
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Oops, he did it again. According to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office: Mark Thomas Valade, 40, went to Kiwanis Park on March 26, 2008. At the Port Charlotte park, he touched an undercover deputy. He was arrested on the charge on the charge of battery and was found guilty. Valade, of the 14400 block of River Beach Drive, returned to Kiwanis Park on Tuesday. Valade again, touche
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It's not really a problem until there are enough released to form a breeding population. There have been so many released over the years that pythons and boas are actually beginning to compete for food with the gators in the everglades. And the iguanas are just a nuisance. Florida also has a small population of indigenous crocs around the far southern tip.
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Yeah, woberto, that was all over the local, evening news here. And, yes, the released snakes are becoming a problem in areas near here. There is also a problem with iguanas in many areas around here.
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ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Two men suspected in a group of central Florida car burglaries were caught empty-headed when they asked a deputy for a ride home. Authorities say 18-year-old Eshon Hardy and 20-year-old Theodor Walker III were walking in a Deltona neighborhood Monday and asked Volusia County deputy Austin Littleton to give them a ride. The deputy told them he first would have to searc
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LOL!
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From time to time we see articles in the news that make us chuckle at how dumb people can be. I thought perhaps this would be an outlet for folks to share these stories and I have the inaugural clipping from the local news. Cops looking for shooting suspect arrest motorist Charlotte County Sheriff's deputies who were searching for a suspect in a shooting incident ended up arresting a
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Are you sure your getting your money's worth in Miami? MIAMI (AP) — Eight people have been indicted for their roles in an alleged $22 million Medicare fraud scheme operated out of a Miami business. The U.S. Attorney's Office announced Friday that those charged with conspiracy to commit health care fraud are Gladys Zambrana, Javier Zambrana, Enrique Perez, Alejandro Hernandez Quiros, Vane
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Miami! Oh shit, we are in trouble.
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Isn't the server in Texas? Prob'ly somebody spilled some of MrKim's hot sauce on the cable and the stuff ate right through it.
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy as
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I believe, woberto, that Simpsons episode is a take off on an old Twilight Zone where mankind is hard at work trying to decipher a book given to them by some seemingly benign and helpful ETs. At first, all that is known is the title of the book, "To Serve Man", and of course everyone believes it's service as in being helpful until it's discovered that it's actually a cookbook.
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I'll stick with it's all too complicated - that seems to be the norm for just about everything. We're living in a house of cards I tell ya.
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Thanks woberto. I didn't think it was too bad for my cheap little POS camera. I just kinda think that sunsets being blocked on this side is like tits being blocked on the other side and while original pictures are being blocked duplicates are slipping through every day. I appreciate what DK, pulse, and the moderators are doing here on their own dime, but the dup filter just ain't cuttin' it. I do
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I see duplicate images on here almost every day that have slipped past the filter and that does not bother me in the least. This evening I took a pretty nice shot of the sunset as I was on an evening walk and tried to post it not an hour later and it was rejected as being too much like another picture. That does bother me; the Quas is pissed. Ban all sunsets! And that must go for sunrises, too! T
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Lawyer with a heart: One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he Saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to Investigate. He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?' 'We don't have any money for food,' the poor Man replied. 'We have to eat grass.' 'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'l
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A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Adde
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Dear President Obama, Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the ones down the street who in the good times purchased their house for no money down, refinanced it several times, then bought SUV's, ATV's, RV’s, a pool, a big screen plasma TV, two Wave Runners, a boat, and a Harley. I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for
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There goes the neighborhood.
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Thanks for the fix, DK.
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