Four guys spend weeks planning the perfect football outing for an away game between the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Michigan Wolverines. Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? On game day, two days later, the three get to the stadium site only to find Frank alread
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Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
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VALLEJO, Calif. (AP) — The California Highway Patrol say a man stole a car to make a court appearance on a previous auto theft charge. Patrol investigator Chris Linehan says he arrested Samuel Botchvaroff Tuesday as he sat inside a stolen 2000 Range Rover at the Vallejo courthouse. The 24-year-old Botchvaroff had just left his arraignment on auto theft charges stemming from an Oct. 31 arrest. Lin
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SALEM, Oregon (AP) — Oregon police have charged a man with drunk driving after he called police to report his marijuana as stolen. Calvin Hoover, 21, told dispatchers early Tuesday someone had broken into his truck and stolen cash, a jacket and a small amount of marijuana while he was at a tavern. He called police again to complain they had not arrived, but the dispatcher had trouble unde
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Until it said the young man was full of remorse I thought perhaps shaDEz had made his way to Germany, possibly in search of the spirit of Karl Marx.
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THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. 3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything y
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PARIS (AP) — Somali pirates in two skiffs fired on a French navy vessel early Wednesday after apparently mistaking it for a commercial boat, the French military said. The French ship gave chase and captured five suspected pirates. No one was wounded by the volleys from the Kalashnikov rifles directed at La Somme, a 3,800-ton refueling ship, said Rear Admiral Christophe Prazuck, a military spo
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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said,
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Authorities arrested a 39-year-old Punta Gorda woman Wednesday, after she reportedly left her three children home alone to chat online with a guy in hopes of having sex. Judith C. Luiz, of the 1200 block of Slash Pine Circle, was charged with three counts of child neglect. A Punta Gorda Police Officer stopped Luiz's vehicle just before 11:30 p.m. for running a stop sign. During the st
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COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Ohio police say a suspect in a robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim out on a date. Police say 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird says the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative
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FIGHTER PILOT PIANO PLAYER A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 Phantom pilot and a Colonel in the Louisiana Air National Guard but when they retired
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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garde
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JENSEN BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a Martin County man accused of downloading child pornography blamed the crime on his cat. According to a sheriff's report, Jensen Beach resident Keith Griffin told investigators that pornographic images downloaded when his cat jumped on his computer keyboard while he was downloading music. Griffin is charged with 10 counts of possession of child p
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TAMPA (AP) — Authorities say a Hillsborough County deputy shot one pit bull and stunned another with a Taser after a Tampa man set the dogs loose on him. The sheriff's office reports that the deputy was responding to a noise complaint Tuesday at the home of 26-year-old Juan David Delvalle. Authorities say Delvalle ran back into the home, returned with a dog held by the collar and ordered it t
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — An alligator capture has lead to the arrests of some north Florida apartment tenants who forgot to hide their drugs. According to a report from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, wildlife officers received a tip that two gators were being held captive in an apartment in Tallahassee. The officers went to the apartment and spoke with the tenants, who
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WELLINGTON, Fla. (AP) -- A South Florida man says he made a half-million-dollar mistake. Sixty-nine-year-old Louis Tolentino of Wellington says he lost a winning scratch-off lottery ticket valued at $500,000. A clerk at the store where he bought the ticket Wednesday confirms it was a winner and that Tolentino was directed to cash it in at the lottery office in West Palm Beach. But somew
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The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People a
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MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Next time, the Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party says it will closely check its online links before sending news releases. The party had to recall a statement Thursday criticizing Republican Gov. Tim Pawlenty because it mistakenly linked to a profane YouTube video. DFL Executive Director Andrew O'Leary says the link came from an outside researcher who had not chec
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BERLIN (AP) — An Audi sedan written off by an elderly German woman as stolen two years ago has resurfaced — in her neighbor's garage beneath a thick layer of dust. Police said Thursday the 82-year-old from the northern city of Hildesheim took the car in for repairs two years ago and had the mechanics drive it back to her house and park it in her garage. She got the keys and papers from he
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MANATEE (AP) — Authorities say a Florida motorist who used fake police lights to get through traffic was busted after an off-duty sheriff's deputy pulled over to get out of the way and became suspicious. Manatee County Detective Jeff Lane was driving on a Florida insterstate on July 18 when he saw the lights behind him and pulled over. When he saw that the passing car was a black BMW with no
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LAKELAND, Fla. (AP) — A Lakeland rapper is singing his way to prison. Authorities say 20-year-old Antavio Johnson raps about killing two Lakeland police officers and refers to a Polk County sheriff's deputy and police dog killed in the line of duty. The song is called "Kill Me a Cop." Johnson — whose stage name is T.O. — pleaded no contest to two counts of corruption by threat o
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Those people in Orlando............I tell ya. ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a central Florida man was arrested for having sex with his dog. The Orange County Sheriff's Office reports that 21-year-old Laszlo Arsenio Horvath was charged Thursday with animal abuse. Deputies say the dog's injuries were so bad that it had to be put down. Authorities began investigating Horvath la
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Report: Reckless driver had marijuana plants in vehicle Authorities discovered 62 marijuana plants in the backseat of a vehicle that was clocked going more than 100 mph through the area late Saturday. A Charlotte County Sheriff's Office helicopter tracked the black Nissan Armada along Interstate 75, following multiple reports of the driver cutting in and out of traffic. The vehicle was s
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TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a man, who had been sleeping in a Dumpster, sustained minor injuries after he was picked up by a garbage truck along with the trash. Authorities say that when firefighters and paramedics arrived, they heard Kevin Hallaran, 52, banging on the metal sides of the sanitation truck asking for help. Hallaran had been sleeping inside a Dumpster behind a restaur
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Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new healthcare reform package (even before anything has been announced).... The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they
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Government stupidity in action The night after Fort Myers Beach fired its town manager as news surfaced that his wife is an adult video actress, residents questioned why Scott Janke had been terminated so quickly after the revelation — or why he had been terminated at all. “I’m very puzzled about the need for emergency action since our manager has been married since October,” said b
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This story hits a little close to home. My youngest son is nineteen and has worked at the local Goodwill store since he was a sophomore in high school (no, he's not challenged, just a regular kid) and has found many unusual and disgusting things left for donation. In two weeks he begins basic training in the US Air Force and one of the things he thinks he'd like to get into there is explosives di
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GULF COVE — Authorities arrested two men Wednesday suspected of stealing appliances from a foreclosed home. William Eugene Goff, 33, 10000 block of Asbury Avenue, and Toby D. Angelo, 30, of the 6000 block of Cromwell Street — both of Englewood East — were charged with burglary and grand theft. A Charlotte County Sheriff's Office deputy stopped the men's pick up around 5:11 p.m. because of
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Cricket is for rednecks too....... I guess.
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BAY MINETTE, Ala. (AP) — Authorities in south Alabama say a gas station employee used a cricket bat to chase away a would-be robber who brandished a toy gun. The Baldwin County Sheriff's office says the suspect entered Bee Gee's gas station near Bay Minette Saturday afternoon and tried to use the fake weapon to steal money. Sheriff's Cpl. Mike Gaull tells the Press-Register of Mobile that
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