woberto: /etc/ftpusers check it out

Yeah, when I pg ftpusers it shows the list of users but I need to add root to that list? My customer was tuffing around trying to do this. Apparently root was hashed out and he esc+dd and now I have to fix it.

hey, that's not funny!

A man was put in a room with Rod Stewart, Jimmy Barnes & Bryan Adams. He was given a gun with two bullets...
...so he shot Bryan Adams twice.

I fucked your Mom

Piss of dad, you're drunk.

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time --- but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door

funny story fossil...
reminds me of the last time that I went horseback riding, I was riding along and having a really great time when I slipped and I fell off of my horse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup and I was dragged for what seemed like forever, I was yelling for help as loud as I could, finally the wal-mart manager heard me and he came out and unplugged that fucker...

There are much worse rides at Wal-Mart...
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*
Anyway, I was in the chekout and the young woman in front of me was paying for frozen dinners, old ladies type panties, watermellon, cat food & ice cream.
She caught me looking at her stuff and I said "You must be single".
"Why yes!" she replied. "Can you tell that by the things I buy?"
"No" I said "I say that because you're fuckin' ugly".

lol, you're not fooling anyone woberto, it was =you= buying those things and the woman said that 'you must be single' bit to you!

That could be the other side of the coin, but I'm sticking to the original story!

You may have seen this one before, but just in case...

Everyone who has ever bought a house will enjoy this.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our damn loan?"

He got the loan.

Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crimefighting and
wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted
to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill
and he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied
a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to
see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman
naked on the bed with her legs open.

Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I
could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what
was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split ! second
and flew off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something?"

"No" said the Invisible Man, "but my ass hurts like hell!".

-----------------------------------------------------

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a
very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very
little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a
ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She
thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to
hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked and the ranch was doing
very well. Then one day the rancher's widow said to the hired hand:

"You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go
into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired
hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting
for him.

She quietly called him over to her...
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she
directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
floor.

Then she looked at him and said,

"If you EVER wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

Three men were stranded in the desert after their small plane made a crash landing. They wandered for three days with no food and very little water. Finally they came upon an oasis with a large castle in the middle of nowhere. They knocked on the door and an old ugly hag answered. When they asked for food and drink she said, "Sure, but I've been out here in the middle of nowhere for ages and I will require you to have sex with me before I feed you." Two of the men immediately declined the offer but the third man being so hungry readily agreed. The old woman took him by the hand and they went upstairs. She stripped and flopped on the bed and said, "Ok, give it to me!" The man looked around and noticed a large cornucopia hanging on the wall containing vegatables, squashes and corn. He said, "Ok, but you are so ugly can I please cover your face while we have sex?" The old hag agreed. He took the curtain off the window and covered her face, then he grabbed a piece of corn from the cornucopia and worked her with it until it became soggy and soft. He tossed it out the window, grabbed another cob of corn and kept at it, repeating this procedure until the old woman was completely satisfied. Afterwards she kept her bargain and fed him the greatest banquet any man has ever had, replete with copious amounts of meat, wine, fruits and deserts. The now well-fed man walked out of the castle. His two companions jeckled and sneered at him saying, "Hahaha! You went up there and fucked that old ugly hag to get a meal and all the while someone was throwing hot buttered corn out of the window!"

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "this" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "other side" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "current" problems before adding "new" problems.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Donald Rumsfeld: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now and will remain against it.
Judge Judy: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The platform is much more stable and will never ever, ever reboot.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going
through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the
two leave.
The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions,
who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English, history, and
logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weedeater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a
yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically
that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a
wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that
because I have a weedeater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go
meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up
for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weedeater?"





"No."







"Then you're a queer."

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The U.S. Government decided to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.

89% of the people in 49 states said: "Oh, shit!"

In Texas 94% said: "Hold my beer. Watch this."

Subject: Wichita Falls Police Officer vs Dallas Lawyer

Only in Texas my friends.... Only in Texas ..... gotta love it....

While traveling through Wichita Falls, Texas a Dallas lawyer runs a stop
sign and gets pulled over by a Wichita Falls police officer. He thinks
that he is smarter than the officer because he is a lawyer from Dallas
and a Harvard graduate and is certain that he has a better education
then any cop from Wichita Falls. He decides to prove this to himself and
have some fun at the officer's expense.

The police officer says,"License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Officer says, " You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Officer says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Officer says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop,
that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the
ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Officer says, "sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the
officer takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap
out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

A school teacher is explaining to her 2nd grade students that human beings are the only animals that stutter...A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat that stuttered," she said. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must've been very scary," said the teacher. "It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff., Fffff., Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"

A Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently
with two ice chests of fish, leaving a river well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those
fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."


"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim'
round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice
chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's
the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After
several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

We in Texas may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb as most.
You smart ones have a good day.

What do Cowboy Hats and Hemorrhoids have in common?
.
.
.
Sooner or later every asshole has one.

still cracks me up when I see somebody has written 'FREE COWBOY HATS' on the ass gasket dispenser in a public shitter...

it's funny when my sister comes home from NYC every once in a while and brings a friend, they all want a cowboy hat till they find out what they cost, then they go home with some really stupid looking straw piece of shit no cowboy would get caught dead in. or they try to talk me outta one-o-mine. lmao!

One her husband's 70th birthday Phyllis decided to do something really special for Edward. She rented a nice hotel room and hired a high priced prostitue for him. She left him in the room and when the hooker showed up at the door she announced, "I'm here to give you super sex!" Edward replied, "Ok, I'll have the soup."

Have Texans heard of Australian Akubra hats?
Do Texans make their hats from Rabbit pelts too?

Inflammation of the foreskin
Reminds me of your smile.
I've had ballanital chancroids
For quite a little while.
I gave my heart to NSU
That lovely night in June.
I ache for you, my darling,
And I hope you get well soon.
My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sores.
Your moenelial infection,
How I miss you more and more.
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox,
Our lovely gonnorrhea,
At least we both were lying,
When we said that we were clear.
Our syphilitic kisses,
Sealed the secret of our tryst.
You gave me scrotal pustules,
With a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis
Sent shivers down my spine;
I got snail tracks in my anus
When your spirochetes met mine.
Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal
ballinitis, meningo myelitis,
diplococcal cephalitis, epididimitis,
interstitial keratitis, syphilitic
choroiditis, and antertior u-ve-i-tis.
My clapped out genitalia
Is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure
Every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes
Are the worst he's ever seen,
My scrotum's painted orange
And my balls are turning green.
My heart is very tender
Though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected
But you never were a bore.
I'm dying of your love, my love
I'm your spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science
But I'm afraid they've turned it down.
Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal
ballinitis, meningo myelitis,
diplococcal cephalitis, epididimitis,
interstitial keratitis, syphilitic
choroiditis, and antertior u-ve-i-tis

Medical Love Song by Monty Python

no rabbit i know of, but the really good ones are different grades of beaver. 3x,4x,etc... up to 10x.
i have 2 Stetson 10x, 1 Resistol 5x, and 5 different straws (obviously not beaver)