cool, went 180... yeah alot more entertaining than any of us...
,but not as entertaining as that time i fucked yer mom, pulse

Eww, that's disgusting. "Mom". One day you people will learn to speak English. It's Mum you heathens.

yep...thats what your mum said too...it was kind of hard to understand her with my semen gurgling in her throat...you may not recognize her when you get home later, I shaved her back...

Dude, you shaved the cat! Wrong kind of pussy you asshole!

hehehe pulse has a bigglesworth!

hybrid

shit, that was the cat?
...i thought her tongue felt a little sand-papery on my balls...

Hi..!!! we are SWAT Team makeover. im so gay and thoses to bitches are lisbians! we would love to do u a makeover , buy u new cloth and change ur hair style to somethink funkkkkeay and hip.. what do u think will u come with us, oh ya! u have the right to remain a loosers,, hehehehe.

fuck this shit on TV man! gays faggots everywhere. and they are all in california, we should burn hollywood.

that little story turned south quick!

i want some acid

sorry getting a pissed here at 1:53AM
can`t think of anything other than one I read on another site, posted by POSTUS MAXIMUS when she/he/it was supposed to be a 38yo mother of 2
It concerns a severed penis

my comp and watch agree its 2:02AM

Creation

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of
your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this,I will
give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people,do
Tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time
to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field
with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give
milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span
of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and
enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog
gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
Bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.

hahaha... that'sa good one f_d where you find that one?

my mom sent it to me

Wow, you might be the first person to live up to the rule "If you wouldn't show your mother, we don't want it" on this site!

i don't know if ya'll will like this one but.....
Subject: RE: Life explained

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the
stress
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity
as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.
He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road Having a
Christmas
party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink
with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops "More 'n' likely gonna be
some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, Thanks
again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've
been
all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what
should I wear?"
"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."


that's courtesy my crazy mom again

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the
bucket up he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.

_________________________________________________________________________

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four
hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back
the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very
closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?

A very gentle Southern lady
was driving across the Savannah River
Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared
the top of the bridge, she noticed a
young man fixing (getting
ready) to jump. She stopped her car,
rolled down the window and said, "Please
don't jump; think of your dear mother
and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both
dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife
and children."
He replied, "I'm
not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of Robert E.
Lee."
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart,
just go ahead and jump, you dumb-ass
Yankee!

The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree
smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past
and looks up and says
"HeyKoala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint,
come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next
to the koala and they have a few joints
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is
'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans
too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little
lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little
lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was
sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got
too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says
"Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:


"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

How do you make a cat go woof?

Douse it in gasoline and throw a lit match at it.

How do you make a dog go meow?

Freeze it and then run it through a band saw.

*Neigh*

So this trucker is driving through Alabama hauling a load of black bowling balls. While on the way two black kids are trying to hitch a ride and one of them has a bike.

He pulls over and tells them they can have a ride but they have to hop in the trailer since picking up hitch hikers is illegal so they jump in the trailer.

As he gets to the Florida border he goes to the weigh station in which one of the deputies says "hey do you mind if I inspect your cargo?"

The trucker says "sure".......only he just remembers that the kids are still in the back, hoping the cop won't notice.

All of a sudden the deputy runs back, screams to the driver ''TURN AROUND!!! TURN AROUND NOW!!!!!!".....the driver in a panic does.

After hearing the screaming the Sheriff walks over and asks the deputy "WTF was that all about?" To which the deputy replies "That guy was carrying a truck full of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and one already stole a bike!"

This is a joke i told when i was about 4 years old. I don't think it was funny then and still don't, but my mom and brother laughed their asses off at it. ok, here goes nothing. A guy walked into a bar and said ouch.

here's another one.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit?

A: Silly Bobbit, dicks are for kids!!!

fucked up, i know but still somewhat funny

ok here's some blonde jokes also.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: Its not to bright, but it's cheap and it spreads easy.

Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?
A: Between the two of us we can make alot of money.

Q: How does a blonde part her hair?
A: By doing the splits.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: Because they chip their teeth.

Q: Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A: Because everyone gets a turn.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
A: Becasue she has a tampon tucked behind her ear and can't find her pencil.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It'd difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q: How would a blonde punctuate the following: "fun fun fun worry worry worry"?
A: fun preiod fun preiod fun no period worry worry worry

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: RUN, she has a grenade in her mouth!!!

Ok thats all I can think of for now, let me know if you want more.

heres and old one for you.

Knock Knock.
Whose there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!!!!

once again messed up but some what funny

why did it take the blonde three hours to make orange juice?
because the can said =concentrate=

three blondes were walking in the woods and they found a set of tracks...
the first blonde says, oh look! deer tracks!
the second blonde says, those aren't deer tracks they're horse tracks!
the third blonde says, you're both wrong! those are dog tracks!
...they were still arguing when the train hit them

A rich white man threw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors, including Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I came home from a business trip and I found a 10 foot alligator got in my pool and I can't find anybody who will come and take him away. I'd give a million dollars to anyone who would do the job!"

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! He was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Kung-Fu master.

The water was churning and splashing in the struggle.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the surface. He slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was staring in disbelief.

The host says, "Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"I don't want it," said Leroy, panting.

The rich man said, "Leroy, I have to give you something, you won the bet!"

So Leroy replied, "I would be satisfied if you gave me the name of whichever one of these white motherfuckers it was that pushed me in the pool."

oops copied too much there.....please axe someone and i shall repost, thanx