Posted by:
fossil_digger [
x] - (76.185.251.---)
Date: August 16, 2007 01:26AM
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown.
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown
I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~Pete Dye
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five ~Paul Harvey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson
A golfer's diet: Live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown
Gone golfin' .. be back about dark thirty. ~Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off . ~Author Unknown
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown
A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered."
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a
few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly-acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scot, "What do you call a
Mulligan in Scotland?" The Scot replied, "We call it hitting 3."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't
know, five, six, maybe seven times. .... just put me down for a 5
means a smile and
is a frown.
