Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: December 23, 2012 06:23PM
you say "kewl" instead of "cool"
you say "wank" instead of "yank"
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: December 23, 2012 06:45PM wear your pants around or near your ankles.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: December 23, 2012 06:46PM wear a baseball hat backwards or to the side.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (144.136.96.---)
Date: December 24, 2012 01:06AM're inside a sock.
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (Moderator)
Date: December 24, 2012 10:38AM
when you do the speed limit or less in the left lane. (*finger*)
Posted by: quasi [x] - (173.132.97.---)
Date: December 24, 2012 02:34PM
Only when I'm passing someone going slower.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: December 24, 2012 03:05PM
......when you run up on my bumper, go around, and expect me to let you cut in front of me. smiling bouncing smiley (*finger*) smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: quasi [x] - (99.207.90.---)
Date: December 26, 2012 07:23PM
So this morning I'm on a two lane U.S. highway known for being prowled by both the State Highway Patrol and the County Sheriff and I'm doing just a tick over the speed limit of sixty mph when this guy in a pickup runs up behind me and passes me at his first opportunity. OK, good for him, he even signaled when he went into the passing lane......and the signal was still blinking five miles down the road when he no doubt finally looked down to check his speed when entering a speed zone in a small town. Now who's the total jerkoff?
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (Moderator)
Date: January 09, 2013 08:47AM
when you brag about your college education in the form of a run-on sentence and then proceed to misspell a fairly common word...
from a woman's profile on a dating site: "I've got two associate degrees and can take care of myself Im not here looking for a sugar daddy. Im looking for my mister wright, "
Posted by: pro_junior [x] - (Moderator)
Date: January 12, 2013 08:48PM
Say something funny

Posted by: pro_junior
Date: January 06, 2007 01:49PM

Douche Bag Traits

Often times certain phrases are used disparagingly to describe a particular type of individual. One such phrase commonly used to describe a pretentious asshole or a person who's trying way too hard to be cool is "douche bag". Many of you may know a douche bag or two, or may in actuality be one yourself without realizing it. My intention with this article is to do two things:

1) Help you spot a douche bag so you can correct him on his douchey-osity
2) Help you correct douchey traits you may yourself possess

Hopefully you'll have a clear understanding of things a douche bag wears, says, does, etc. by the end of this article and be able to correct any douchey-ness in yourself and/or assist others in correcting their douche-baggy behaviour. In the future I'll go into specifics about the sub-categories of douche bags, but for now we'll focus on the age 18-34 douche bag.

Before we move on, it must be noted that douche-baggotry is a disease, much like obesity or necrophilia, however, to this day there is no known vaccine to cure it. There have been scientific studies conducted on douche bags in the last decade, and new evidence suggests that douche-baggotry is indeed a genetic disorder. To date, the only available remedy to this horrible affliction is to call out a douche bag on his behaviour. Only then can steps be taken to permanently decrease one's "douchey-osity".

The below douche bag traits are not listed in any particular order, they are all equally douchey:

1) Popped collar on a shirt. --nuff said
2) Any bracelet or necklace worn makes one a douche bag. The only acceptable jewelry for a man is a wrist watch.
3) BMW driver. All BMW drivers under the age of 50 are douche bags. There's nothing wrong with a luxury automobile, just BMWs. Typically a BMW driver will leave his keys sitting on top of the bar so as to "impress" chicks. Total dick move, douche bag. Thinketh the ladies, "Nice car, sorry 'bout your penis."
4) Spikey hair with too much product. Seriously, stop it.
5) Facial hair, especially a goatee, or other sort of meticulously groomed beard. If you're going to have a beard, just go all out like those dudes from ZZTop.
6) Cell phone worn on belt. Your pants have pockets, fucking use them, douche bag.
7) Hat backwards. This one is easily remedied: TURN YOUR FUCKING HAT AROUND, DOUCHE BAG. (also, hats worn with a tilt.
8) Dressy sandals. Not only are you a douche bag if you wear these, you're also a Dildo.
9) Pink Shirts

10) Frat tuck. This is when only the front of the shirt is tucked in. You are so beyond douchey if you do this.
11) Tag-Heuer watch. Nothing against a nice watch, just this particular brand. Often a BMW driver will wear a watch like this.
12) Croakies. These are neoprene devices used to hold sunglasses around the neck. Very douche-tastic.
13) Drinking mixed drinks other than margaritas. Margaritas are the only exception to the rule for a man. Gin and tonics are douchey and girly. Vodka tonics are douchey and girly. Acceptable beverages are whiskey, vodka, tequila, beer. Anything added to a hard liquor other than water or ice is douchey. For instance, Crown Royal is good. Coke is good. Mixing the two together, DOUCHEY. Gatorade is good. Vodka is good. Mixing them together=DOUCHEY.
14) Extensive knowledge of sports statistics. Some is O.K., but knowing every player in the NHL's jersey number is douchey.
15) Belts with flags, whales, or other logos is douchey. Your belt should be leather all the way around, douche bag.
16) Blue tooth or other hands free cellular device. Hey, douche bag, while you got a free hand reach over here and stroke my cock.
17) Layering two polo shirts. I can't emphasize enough how douchey this is.
18) Von Dutch t-shirts.
19) John Deere hats if you're not a farmer. Anyone following a trend set by Ashton Kutcher is a total fucking douche bag.
20) Anything Abercrombie.
21) If you listen to Train.
22) Excessive bending of the bill of your hat.
23) Madras shorts.
24) Sperry Topsider/docksiders...especially with no socks.
25) Flip-flops worn in the winter time.
26) T-shirts that say "Beer, it's not just for breakfast anymore" or similar t-shirts that attempt humour in vain.
27) Those fagotty-assed yellow "Live Strong" bracelets. Don't tell me it's for a good cause, you wear it because you're a douche bag who likes bracelets.
28) Use of the phrase "I was so wasted" or "We were so wasted".
29) Republicans
30) Democrats
31) Shorts with lobsters, whales, etc.
32) Jersey with the name of a pro athlete on the back.
33) Using the word "grande" or "venti" or other coffee-speak when ordering a cup of coffee. Just say small, medium, or large, a-hole.
34) Ordering anything other than coffee when you're at a coffee shop. This includes frappacinos, mochiattas, and any other douchey shit.
35) Continuing to wear your sunglasses on your face when you're indoors. Take 'em off, fucktard.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2013 08:49PM by pro_junior.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: January 12, 2013 10:10PM
damn! i'm a violator of a few of those:
1. i occasionally wear a fossil shark tooth necklace.
2. blue tooth
3. i have and wear occasionally a John Deere hat, but my family does own 6 Deere tractors as well as a cousin who collects antique Deere's. we (the family) also own close to 4000 acres where we farm corn, cotton and have quite a few oil wells. i will leave this one up for evaluation.
4. i frequently wear top siders with no socks.
5. i have, and wear, 4 different Dallas Cowboys player jerseys with player names on the back.
6 and finally....i wear a Croakie rip off for my reading glasses as well as my sunglasses.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2013 10:13PM by fossil_digger.
Posted by: quasi [x] - (70.10.3.---)
Date: January 12, 2013 10:44PM
I'm a croakie violater of over 25 years but it's so I won't lose my perscription glasses when I'm working up a sweat or when I'm out on the water. I usually wear one when I'm driving, too, just in case something happens and I go rollin' around somehow. And I don't wear docksiders but I often wear cheap, slip on, canvas shoes with no socks year round - hey, this is Florida, sue me.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2013 10:46PM by quasi.
Posted by: woberto [x] - (124.171.85.---)
Date: January 12, 2013 11:49PM
hot chicks with douche bags
eye rolling smiley

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 13/01/2013 03:44AM by woberto.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: January 13, 2013 02:10AM
^^^Error 404 - Not Found^^^
Posted by: woberto [x] - (124.171.85.---)
Date: January 13, 2013 03:47AM
One of you guys tried to submit 'lando on that site and they responded that you can't get your friends on here just because they wear a stripey shirt. Or something like that.
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: January 13, 2013 05:42AM
smiling bouncing smiley you know you're a total jerkoff when............. smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: ImNotLikeEverybodyElse [x] - (71.204.26.---)
Date: March 04, 2013 03:11PM
You do this...
Posted by: fossil_digger [x] - (76.185.173.---)
Date: March 08, 2013 05:17AM
don't make me expose who you really are. (*finger4*)
Posted by: quasi [x] - (184.240.19.---)
Date: March 08, 2013 09:28AM use #plus613 forums for sales spam. Only a few assholes will ever see it there.
Posted by: pulse [x] - (Moderator)
Date: March 08, 2013 10:01AM
yeah but you're a captive audience. Wanna buy some knockoff Rolexes or louis vuitton bags?
Posted by: ImNotLikeEverybodyElse [x] - (71.204.26.---)
Date: March 15, 2013 02:06AM
I shi(f)t (/) you not
I know what lies there

"i am not what i am..."
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