My Apologies if this has been posted before...


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier.

You suck.

Beautiful !

And the collective world shrugs. Jobs and money still flow like a river to India and China. Canada and Mexico quietly go about trading with EVERYONE else in the world, while we sulk and pout. All around the world U.S. products get boycotted and the poor and the middle class get hurt the worst. Lets pretend that the other 95% of the planet does not exist (except Poland, dont forget Poland!), build a wall around whats left of our country and threaten anyone who doesn't do what ever we say....Brillaint, lets get started on that plan real soon!!! My 4 year old would be real proud as you are using her logic. Good thinking!

HAHAHA. America really does suck. China is the greatest superpower on earth. Biggest army, biggest airforce and fast over taking the US with its economy, and it has the wonderful American trait of loving the black gold and using even more of it that the US. What makes China even better is it doesn't need to 'liberate' other countries to continue its own economic growth. VIVE LA CHINA

wow, 43152, where did you learn that? Commie 101?? and how come you aren't in china where you belong?? Oh that's right...you enjoy freedom. didn't think you could answer that.

152220 well said,any one who doesn't like America is free to leave and every illegal should be set afloat on the sea to find a lovin new home (maybe france,north korea,Iran,the list is to long to post here)Oh! you forgot China will soon have the greatest number of Aids cases.

152220 makes some very good points.as a canadian i agree you that americans should be pissed off at canada.we have the misfortune here in canada to have had two dumb ass prime ministers in a row.the us is our best friend and we should stand by your side.if the us lets the arabs kill each other and the jews and arabs kill each other they will be better off.the world wants the states to mind its own business.then when they do the world will be crying for help.

i am sure the relations between canada and the usa will improve when we elect a new goverment.

What a petty speech. I would not be happy to hear that on the teevee, except the part about getting the fuck out of Iraq. But of course, we won't.

As for China, I'm studying my Chinese right now so I can communicate with my future overlords. China's empire will suck worse than America's. Just ask Tibet (..and with that I call _bullshit_ on your comment that China doesn't need to "liberate" anyone for their economy ... just ask Taiwan.)

If America sucks, get the fuck out. Then, wait a year and get back to us about what you think about America.

It's not that America sucks, /per se/... EVERYplace sucks. It's more specifically HOW America sucks; the specifics are important. America is full of greedy, soulless idiots who watch too much teevee, yap meaningless things at each other, and believe their leaders.

This is not to say that Afghanistan isn't horrific, or Saddam was a bloody and cruel dictator, or that China isn't authoritarian, or that... fuck, any other place doesn't suck somehow. But anyone has the right to point out faults in an attempt to fix them. We all want something better, and we can make it happen, wherever we are. Raw bitching = waste of time. Rational argument = useful.

More to YOUR point 8371, I did happen get out for a year and lived in France. I loved it, and would go back. There is much about their particular cultural and political system that the US could learn a lot from. There were things I didn't like, of course, too. But I have a US passport and the nutty belief that I can help improve my homeland, fucked up as it is.

152220: Judging by the fact that you're wondering if this has been posted before, you didn't write it. Thank your lucky stars for this. What kind of moron actually thinks like this?
First of all, the rest of the world knows why the States is in Iraq in the first place. Yeah, OK, getting rid of Saddam was great but WMD's, I don't think so. Oil was the name of the game there and I don't see any of the countries on list #1 reaping any of the benefits of this.
Second of all, POOPER, you are an idiot. I am also Canadian and this is just typical of alot of Canadians lately in that you would rather bend over and take in the............well, POOPER just to keep the Americans happy. I don't dislike Americans, just their government. The country has gotten to big for its britches so now they just bully everybody else.
For example: A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
I know its on a fake letter but it's not far off from the truth these days. Anyway, no problem! We'll just cut off the fresh water, natural gas, electricity, etc., etc.
Now the US's answer to that would be the same as Iraq. Lets invade 'em. Not so fast. Remember the UK. They're on list #1. We're part of the commonwealth so not such a good idea.
My point to this is no matter what the States does, the viscious circle will continue on in some form or another.

Exactly Stiffler. There are no easy answers. People who honestly believe a "letter" like that is workable are delusional.

stiffler do you live in canada or the french suburbs(Quebec)OH! is Quebec's flag a large white one as is frances flag? frances that sounds feminine.I agree on one thing the U.S should get out of any foreign country,then arm itself to the teeth and let their enemies kill each other then move in when they are to weak to defend themselves.

Get a life, read a little.

USA shouldn't have gone into Iraq but they did. Things look like they are getting better, so fair play.

Is a pity the US doesn't go into Israel and help the Palestinians?

Oh no that would never do.

As I said read a little, educate yourself....

229176: No I live in a true part of Canada. As for Quebec you can have em. They already tried to separate from Canada once but they didn't want to take there baggage with em. Idiots.

361: If the US actually went into Isreal and helped the palestinians then they might as well have just let the Nazis finish the job back in WWII. Mind you think of the confusion it would cause Bin Laden and his merry men. In a round about way the US would actually be helping his cause. He might actually leave the US alone because of something like that. Maybe he'll point his aggression at North Korea. Nah, wishful thinking.

stiffler it's Israel not Isreal,Fat chance the U.S helping the palestinians with the jews in control of the news media,the jews in control of hollywood & radio,the only news(fox) than isn't owned by jews is owned by rupard murdock an aussie who is pro jew,the reason Israel sticks it to everyone but a jew is the Talmud says it is not ok for a jew to give the shaft to another jew,but everyone else is fair game.

that speach really suck ass, but it was funny, lol