Mach Report This Comment Date: April 06, 2011 04:22AM
I've linked or posted this around here before, even if you've read it before,
READ IT AGAIN! You've been warned!
"The consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not
hers. She is never to blame for anything...Because she’s out to control, she
manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the
jury, the executioner - but never the accused...She will break the rules without
a second thought, if the end justifies the means."
There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths
are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T
Cleary discuss this important subject in depth.
Sadly, the female sociopath they describe sometimes sounds like the vindictive
or alienating or abusive ex-wives readers write me about. Sheppard and Cleary
write:
"Sociopaths are notoriously difficult to spot because most of them are
incredibly adept at hiding their true self and their motives. Since childhood
the female sociopath may have developed complex and often subconscious methods
to deceive her targets. On the surface she appears excessively friendly and
charming. In fact, an early warning sign is that you suspect she is too good to
be true. She probably is.
"Occasionally she may let the mask slip. In isolation these behavior traits
are unreliable indicators, but if you witness a number of them, a queen of
manipulation may be operating on you.
"She is an aggressor and she picks fights with opponents who have been
duped into believing she is a friend or a lover. Once she befriends her victims,
she relies on their reasonableness to forgive her transgressions. However, most
of her actions are hidden, because she has learned to fight with invisible
weapons and wields them with the deadliness and accuracy of a samurai warrior.
Invariably, you don’t see anything until the fight is over and she has
won.
"She is capable of being furious if she is ignored or is not given what she
wants. She has mastered the art of expressing an opinion so forcibly and
convincingly that it takes on the appearance of being a fact.
"Her regular tantrums involve swearing, shouting, intimidation and
threatens. She will wear people down until, for a quieter life, they agree with
her. Interestingly, what she threatens to inflict on others is what she would
find most damaging and hurtful to herself. Equally interestingly, she feels
criticism and humiliation intensely, even if none is intended or given, and she
will fight ferociously to defend what she sees as an attack, whether or not
there is one. Sometimes she will create a threat in her mind merely to defend
and excuse what she knows to be her own dreadful behavior.
"She will expect you to keep quiet about her conduct towards you, assuming
you will feel shame or embarrassment because you tolerate it. If you collude by
maintaining your silence, it perpetuates her behavior. She needs her victims to
stay quiet about her. Beware of allowing yourself to get sucked into this game.
She’ll take delight in knocking you down a peg or two - for your own good, of
course!
"This attitude demonstrates a lack of concern for other people’s wishes,
welfare and rights, and she matter-of-factly shows a blatant disregard for
society’s rules, regulations and laws. A petty but common example of this is
her blasé attitude towards parking her car. Parking restrictions simply don’t
apply to her and parking tickets are stuffed in the glove compartment to be
forgotten and left unpaid.
"Parking fines are not the only unpaid bills that mount up. When the
bailiffs call she spins her sob story and plays the victim. Yet the moment they
have been persuaded to leave she feels nothing more than contempt for those to
whom she owes money. Her definition of a personal loan is often more like a
donation; so don’t expect to see your cash again. Don’t ever open a joint
bank account with her. She defaults on formal loans, and will almost certainly
have a poor credit rating. She may even have stacks of County Court Judgments
(CCJs) against her.
"She routinely fails to honor other promises and commitments. The
consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She
is never to blame for anything and is highly likely to be one of life’s
complainers. Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at
will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but
never the accused.
"She may believe that antisocial behavior is justified because of her
‘difficult’ circumstances, even though she may have contributed to them. She
will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the
means..."
Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths, Part II
"So obsessed with what she wants, she will ignore or neglect her children
while claiming the opposite. She plays the martyr and expects constant
attention. Her demanding behavior almost guarantees it.
"If she is divorced, she may have grown to hate her ex-husband more than
she loves her children. She abuses the children by depriving them of access to
their father, because she’s punishing him for not delivering what she wanted
in a husband. She refuses to consider that she played any role in the marriage
break-up."
There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths
are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T
Cleary discuss this important subject in depth. Sheppard and Cleary write:
"She believes she is entitled to everything she desires. With an
overdeveloped sense of self, working for what she wants is an inconvenience.
Hard work is for everybody else. She wants the fast buck and the short-cut to
success. Becoming a social parasite is quicker than toiling for anything. And
when she pulls it off, she can then congratulate herself on cheating, conning or
defrauding others who may be more intelligent or successful than she is.
"Her every whim must be accommodated. Humility is alien to her. She is
self-centered, opinionated and over-confident, and expects to be pampered and
treated as superior.
"She has possibly dabbled at shoplifting to feed her sense of entitlement
for whatever she wants and for the ‘buzz’. So obsessed with what she wants,
she will ignore or neglect her children while claiming the opposite. She plays
the martyr and expects constant attention. Her demanding behavior almost
guarantees it.
"If she is divorced, she may have grown to hate her ex-husband more than
she loves her children. She abuses the children by depriving them of access to
their father, because she’s punishing him for not delivering what she wanted
in a husband. She refuses to consider that she played any role in the marriage
break-up.
"She expects her man to do what she wants to prove his ‘commitment’ to
her, and will try to control all aspects of her victim’s life. She insists on
choosing his friends, making him account for every moment of his day, making
decisions for him, telling him what he can and cannot wear. She may even insist
on watching her victims go to the bathroom.
"Some women are genuinely unaware of the emotional pain and suffering they
cause, but others know exactly what they are doing. They derive pleasure from
putting others down and humiliating friends, colleagues, lovers and ex-partners.
For some, revenge consumes their lives.
"If there are any times when you start to suspect that you are being used,
she is equally skilled at making you feel bad for thinking such thoughts. Mind
you, she will probably never tell you explicitly that you are wrong, except
perhaps if you confront her. She may feign shock and surprise that you could
possibly think such unkind thoughts.
"Unreliability goes hand-in-hand with her desire to control. Things always
seem to crop up at the last minute making it ‘impossible’ to do what she
promised. She is often brilliant at providing rational excuses rather than
reasons for her behavior. She makes promises about a bright future but they are
always promises of ‘jam tomorrow’.
"You find, too, that these women are stimulation junkies known for sexual
promiscuity, gambling and taking illegal recreational drugs. If something gives
the sociopath an adrenaline rush or makes her feel good, even in the short term,
she’ll probably give it a try or become addicted to it. This could lead to
high-risk behavior, with a reckless disregard for her own safety and that of
others. She rarely thinks about the possible or probable consequences of her
actions."
Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths, Part III
The most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might
imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our
sympathy."
A question--how much of this striking excerpt rings true for you?
There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths
are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T
Cleary discuss this important subject in depth. Sheppard and Cleary write:
"These women want to create the illusion of intimacy quickly and are
prepared to take short-cuts. They are full-on and their friendliness positively
gushes. They often smile too much, but with their teeth, not their eyes. The
woman will say all the right things and appear keen to be seen to make plans
with you, but it’s a ploy to gain your affection quickly and hook you in.
"She will seem very loving and capable of intimacy and will pretend to
care. However the intimacy, depth and commitment are illusions. They merely
enable her to collect what she wants. Her true colors show only when all other
tactics fail.
"She’s quite happy to steal her best friend’s boyfriend. It’s a great
way to prove she has what it takes to be desirable, and simultaneously to prove
the shallowness of the man and the delusion of her friend.
"The picture is emerging of a woman who must get what she desires at all
costs and must always be right. Sometimes she will deliberately claim to
misunderstand something to justify doing what she wants, even though she knows
it is against your wishes. She may cause problems just to attract attention to
herself, because she likes to feel important.
"Creating self-doubt in her victims’ minds is an integral part of her
approach. She plays on their reasonableness to give her the benefit of any
doubts they may have. She knows that reasonable people don’t like to think
badly of others and will often beat themselves up for thinking uncharitable
thoughts. She always sounds so convincing. Her approach is intended to make you
question whether you were correct in your thoughts about her. It slows you down.
It’s meant to.
"Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door says, 'The most universal
behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our
fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.'
"This is a key point. If you take only one message from this book, make it
this one. She is probably brilliant at eliciting pity and knows precisely how to
do it.
She may have learned these skills from a young age. Treated like a little
princess by her father, she learns to wrap him (and others) around her finger.
By learning to get her own way, she perfects the illusion of appearing fragile.
She is anything but....
"She also appears so wonderful, sweet and demure, as if butter wouldn’t
melt in her mouth. Of course, she is a chameleon, capable of becoming exactly
who her victim needs her to be.
"She is meticulously turned out, expertly masking her inner personality
cracks with flawless make-up, perfect hair and an extensive wardrobe, often paid
for by past boyfriends. She may have learned to cover up who she really is by
appearing confident and self-assured. Yet underneath this confident and highly
manicured exterior may lie an insecure, inadequate and ultra-needy woman.
"How dysfunctional is the rest of her family? If she looks like the only
sane one, she may be the only one who has managed to cover it up!
"The disguise is so good that nobody would ever suspect that she could do
anything unscrupulous. Beware the woman who flatters without offering sincere
compliments. Flattery has been described as ‘counterfeit charm’ and is
usually a little over the top. She’s probably setting you up to make demands
on you or to manipulate you in some other way.
"She holds grudges too. Her revenge and retribution can be savage and
harsh. Surprise is her weapon. Expect the worst, then double it.
"This woman doesn’t think twice about destroying the reputations, health
and well-being or the livelihood of others if they represent obstacles to
getting what she wants. She’s the sort who will force you to get down on
bended knee to beg forgiveness and then take delight in saying 'No'. She makes
you feel bad to ‘keep you on your toes’.
"Such women will not be happy until they have ripped the very heart and
soul out of their victim. Even then, there is no guarantee they will be any
happier. Sadly, most men ignore what their gut instinct is trying to tell them
about her, because they think she wants them."
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