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For the golfers ;>)

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For the golfers ;>)

Comments for: For the golfers ;>)
fossil_digger Report This Comment
Date: September 02, 2007 01:16PM

a smooth 8 iron, or a hard 9
ORLANDO399 Report This Comment
Date: September 03, 2007 12:04AM

Maybe for you....look's a hundred yards away,i think i'll take my pitching wedge out and put it ten feet to the left of the cupeye rolling
fossil_digger Report This Comment
Date: September 03, 2007 12:40AM

i hit an 8 or a 9 really high. my wedge is more like a sand wedge
ORLANDO399 Report This Comment
Date: September 04, 2007 12:13AM

You better be glad you retired fossil,otherwise it would be bad news for you in maysmiling
bouncing smiley
fossil_digger Report This Comment
Date: September 04, 2007 09:11AM

eh, you know i can't ever give it up. just sand baggin' ya. grinning
fossil_digger Report This Comment
Date: September 04, 2007 09:30AM

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown.
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown
I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five ~Paul Harvey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect
golf swing. ~Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson
A golfer's diet: Live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown
Gone golfin' .. be back about dark thirty. ~Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off . ~Author Unknown
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown
A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered."
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a
few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly-acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scot, "What do you call a
Mulligan in Scotland?" The Scot replied, "We call it hitting 3."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't
know, five, six, maybe seven times. .... just put me down for a 5- Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

- Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
- When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
- If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
- It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt .. for a 10. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.It's not a gimme if you're still away.
- The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it. You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.- Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
- When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to
lay up just short of a water hazard. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.Hazards attract; fair ways repel. You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but no golfer can put a straight on the ball. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
- If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint. It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard. Sometimes it seems as though your cup moveth over. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game. Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot. A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are...that's why I get so many calls to play with friends. That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about
skipping out on lawn work. If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
- A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there. It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
- You probably wouldn't look good in a green jacket anyway! A sweatshirt will do just fine. It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a
brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs if you are performing brain surgery

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2007 09:38AM by fossil_digger.
ORLANDO399 Report This Comment
Date: September 05, 2007 12:36AM

Damn,you do live here!!!!!grinning
ORLANDO399 Report This Comment
Date: September 05, 2007 08:41PM

Billy grahm and hank aaron commentsthumbs