CHEF'S DAD
Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?

STAN
No, that's okay.

CHEF'S DAD
Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water.

CHEF'S MOM
We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"


THOMAS
It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,-

CHEF'S MOM
Oh, it was so scary!

THOMAS
-and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty."

KYLE
What's tree-fitty?

THOMAS
Three dollars and fifty cents.

CHEF'S MOM
Tree-fitty.

STAN
He wanted money?

THOMAS
That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!"


CHEF'S MOM
I gave him a dollar.

THOMAS
She gave him a dollar.

CHEF'S MOM
I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.

THOMAS
Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!