Tiger Woods’ Holiday Poem

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving
and out of the house
Tiger Woods, he came flying
Chased by his spouse.

She wielded a 9 iron
And wasn’t too merry
‘cause a bimbo’s phone #
she found on his blackberry.

He had been cheating
On poor little Elin,
and as each day went by
Another whore came out squeallin’

He’d been on Holly, on Jamie
On Rachel, on Corey,
On Joslyn, Kaleeka
TMZ had the story.

From the top of the world
To above the fold
Tiger’s ever more sordid
Tale it was told.

With hostesses, waitresses
He had lots of sex,
And when he wasn’t hosin’ ‘em
He sent ‘em hot texts.

He crashed his Caddie
But didn’t call On-Star
He played “spank me Daddy’
With a skanky old porn star

He’s been naughty
With Santa, he hasn’t a chance,
‘cept a big lump of coal
to match the lump in his pants.

But despite all his crying
And begging and pleadin’
His wife went right out
And bought a new house in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim
As she packed up the escalade
‘If you’re gonna get laid,
Then, I’m gonna get paid!”

Now, she’s not pouting
In fact, she’s of good cheer
Her Pre-nup made Christmas
Come early this year