Swine flu - could it be the aporkalypse?

I called the hospital last night to find out more info about the swine flu, but all I got was crackling.
I wanted to be sure of the symptoms because I heard you can come out in a nasty rasher.
Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.
I think the media coverage has been over the top – it’s been everywhere. It’s like an epidemic.
I guess you can’t be too careful though. I mean, a cop tried to pull me over today, but I sped off.