“Weeks after being arrested for driving under the influence while seeking out oral sex from a certain particularly skilled partner, NBA legend and basketball analyst Charles Barkley was finally able to drive across town, meet said partner under favorable circumstances, and obtain the blow job in question, Barkley said yesterday. “Whew!” a visibly relieved Barkley told reporters in a press conference held immediately after the act. “Oh, man. Oh, man! I mean, seriously, I needed that. I needed that one bad, after what happened the first time I tried to get a blow job. And I am so glad that is all over with so I can get it behind me and just move on.”