A guy goes into a doctor's office complaining of pain. The doctor asks, "where does it hurt?" The guy touches his arm and says ouch. Then he touches his knee and says owwwwwch. Then he touches his stomach and says owwww. "It hurts everywhere" he tells the doctor. The doctor says... "you're a bass player aren't you?" The guy replies, "how did you know that?" The doctor tells him, "you don't hurt everywhere... you're finger is broken."

Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper?
A. An optimist.


Q. What do you call a bass player on the front porch?
A. The pizza delivery guy


A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says "You really need to stop masturbating." The man, a little worried, asks the doctor, "why... am I going blind?" "No," says the doctor. "But you're disturbing everyone else in the waiting room."