I'm bored, entertain me.

Okay, give me a second to think of something funny because I have the intelligence of a gnat

Your second is well and truly up

I bought a new toilet brush last week, I don't really like it though...I think I'll switch back to paper

Have you tried steel wool?

Should I be fearful of giant squid?

Giant squid sees all, knows all. He will get you.

haven't tried steel wool...tried sheep wool once, but as it was still attached to a rather unappreciative sheep, it didn't really work so well, although I thought the sheep looked kind of neat with her brown racing stripe...
reminds me of the old joke;
a bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods, the bear turned to the rabbit and said "excuse me, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit said "no" so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit!

-from a neighboring island:

(First Native): Mahula Humba, Mahula Humba!!!!

(Chief): Mahula Humba WHAT?

1st Native: Eternal flame has died!

(Chief): So! Go get can of eternal flame lighting fluid!!

1964-Gilligans Island

Up Next:

Bob Crane shows Colonel Klenk his "Gonkulator".....

Or you could just tune in to Nick at Nite.....

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that
said,
"This
bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He
mated
50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year. "The wife gave her husband a
healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a
week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's
ribs,
said, "That's once a day.
You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
with
the
same cow."

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

Perspectives on Golf -----------

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the
occasional miracle .

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes
right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

"I wish I could play my normal game...just once."

"Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during
a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely
make a perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...
neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is
always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank
it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out
and for no reason at all you really stink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt", you might
wish to reconsider this game.

Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can
finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work,
and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the inability to add correctly.

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they
shoot a six, yell fore and write five.

If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than
you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality
might not be right for golf ...

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
###
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Ahmed was showing a foreign visitor around his country and bemoaning the lack of gratitude his countrymen showed him for his considerable achievements.

"Look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at this vast and modern ship building yard", and the yards were indeed vast and modern.

"I built this myself. I own it. But do they call me 'Ahmed the ship builder'? No."

"And look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at the modern and efficient road system we traveled on today", and the road system was indeed modern and efficient.

"I own the company that built these roads. But do they call me 'Ahmed the road builder'? No."

"And look over there" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at that towering city on the horizon", and the city was indeed towering.

"I own two thirds of those buildings. I built that city. But do they call me 'Ahmed the city builder'? No! They don't call me that either..."

"But you fuck ONE goat...."

Go Pound Sand!

Money, get away. Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay. Money, it’s a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car, caviar, four star daydream, Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back. I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack. Money, it’s a hit. Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit. I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set And I think I need a lear jet.

Get rich or die trying?

Money...

[www.plus613.com]

old but good:

A man leads a little girl into the woods on a dark and stormy night.
The little girl shivers and says to the man, "I´m scared."
He looks down at her and says, "You´re scared, I have to walk back alone."

ahh thanks, i forgot all about that one lol truely fucking sick

guy is on an elevator when a beautiful woman gets on,
he turns to her and says 'excuse me, can i smell your feet?'
she says 'hell no you can't smell my feet!'
the guy shrugs his shoulders and says, 'well i guess it must be your pussy then!'

lmfao!

zxz555 posted on March 27, 2006, 11:32 am
old but good:

A man leads a little girl into the woods on a dark and stormy night.
The little girl shivers and says to the man, "I´m scared."
He looks down at her and says, "You´re scared, I have to walk back alone."

Not funny.

Yeah it is, poor guy

pro junior, brokntoad, adcbeast, and an asst. of anonymous's

now that's hilarious!

what's your point?

i don't have one, that's the point?

this is pointless...

YOU GOT THE POINT!